latest toy i have played with is a snowmobile capable of doing 0-100mph in 4 seconds
So thats added to the every increasing list containing...
jet skis
motorbikes
quads
minimotos
gokarts
cars (everything from a rally car to supercars to off roading in 4x4's, done soo much!)
kites (water beach snow)
wakeboards
snowboards
Husky boarding/buggying
surfboards
windsurfers
kayaks (white water kayaking)
bmx and skateboards (back in the day)
fighter jets (although just on the ground so far)
JCB diggers artic lorries and other big things
soon to be added argocat and hovercraft cant wait!

OK every1 if you are considering buying any parts from the "great" tuning company known as apexi dont! They suck! the fully stainless steal Apexi exhaust system has rotted through after just 25 months, its stainless apperntly so then why do fridge magnets stick to it?

Bonnie lads / Loons.
The time is nigh for your monthly outing to the land beyond the sea. Here are a few words of guidance to ensure that you all return safely.

Firstly, as you will know, only the good are permitted to undertake this venture. Qualification pre-requisites are determined by the “Chopper Fairy” when she visits you as you sleep the night before departure. If you have been good and worked hard without winging at the gaffers, she will arrange passage on the sky vehicle known as “The chopper” the very same day you awaken.
If however you have been a bit of a “Rascal” or indeed a “Scallywag” You may find your plans thwarted by a blanket of fog until such times you show true remorse and can take no more of the daytime television programmes designed to inflict great pain and mental fatigue upon you for your misdemeanours. This can last many hours but has been known to last for several days for the truly wicked.

Once “The Chopper” has left our institution, you will go into the trance which is induced by “The Chopper” Trolls who fly these aircraft and cast a spell just before take off. But worry not, this is a short spell and the Head Troll utters the words that lift the spell around five minutes before arrival in the land beyond the sea.

The land beyond the sea offers many delights for the offshore tribe namely beer, fish suppers and creatures known as women. These are usually attended to in that order although some of the offshore tribe, who have regular relationships with the same woman while they visit, are often too afraid to incur the wrath of said women and these tribesmen go straight to a place called home.
A word of warning regarding this type of woman:
This type of woman (sometimes nicknamed “the wife”) is extremely cunning. She will pretend that she is glad and excited to see you. But beware; this is a ploy to get her hands on the monthly sheckels known as “the wages” or “mapay”. She will ply you with beer and good food (usually a fish supper) then lay on her back and offer good hormonal service for a day or two at the most. Usually the offshore tribesman’s resistance is low after going many days without such service that he will gladly offer her all his possessions and sheckels. Once she has her hands on your wages or mapay, you are at her mercy. If you need more of the beer it will be at her discretion for the rest of your trip and you will feel truly miserable. Usually the hormonal needs of the tribesman go out the window with the wrappings of the fish suppers and they have to wait till they return to the institution so that they can attend to these matters themselves in the peace and harmony of the cabin.

It is much more advisable to stay with the young tribesmen known as “the boys” these boys are the true essence of the offshore tribe and go straight to places called pubs, boozers, nightclubs, knocking shops and Thailand at their earliest opportunity. The boys have not forgotten the teachings of the many tribesmen who have gone before them and sneakily avoid the ones nicknamed the wife by telling lies, doing runners or just being blitzed all the time. (blitzed is the state of euphoria one achieves after mastering the beer drinking techniques of the offshore tribesman)

Alternatives to such women are as follows:

Knocking Shops:
A different type of woman known as a Tart or Slag is found on these premises. These women are the friends of the offshore tribesman and will listen for hours on end whilst you pour out your many troubles to her and she will offer sound advice and council such as “get a grip man” “ don’t worry about it” or “ach never mind, Just get blitzed “
She will then satisfy your hormonal needs for a fraction of the cost of the ones nicknamed the wife and you can return as often as you like providing you still have sheckels. (Be aware that if you procure these services under false pretence, i.e. no sheckels, you will fi