BEING A REP!!!
How True!!!

The job description "Holiday Rep"
seemed just the job for me,
Though I didn't read the small print
And the job turned out to be.....

A lot more than I bargained for
And very hard to learn
I wasnt told you'd have to work
Much harder than you'd earn

You have to be a counsellor
A marriage guidance guy
A kindergarten minder
It's enough to make you cry

Insurance representative
A tourist guide as well
A consulate and a confidante
It can sometimes seem like hell.

You have to be a forlk-lift truck
To pick up welcome packs
Then wonder why you're suffering
With wonky aching backs

You have to be a salesman
A solicitor and more
An aircraft supervisor
And someone who sweeps the floor

A bank clerk and a waiter
An artist and a chap
Who listens to umpteen "low floor" requests
And takes a lot of crap

A weatherman who knows
When the sun is going to shine
Who knows your suitcase colour
And the name of every wine

You have to know each restaurant
Each bar in every place
And know the word for "Bingo"
And toilet - just in case

The list goes on eternally
As a job description bod
The travel adverts ought to read...
"A VACANCY FOR GOD"

A

Afeard - scared
Ah - I or me, ie Ah don't feel well
Aminal -common mispronounciation of Animal
Amptinat? -I most definitely am.
Ar$ehole -calling someone a rectum
Aye -meaning "yes"

B

Balleex -"b0ll0cks" Thats balleex - Used in context when disagreeing with someone
Bake -someones face
Baltic - quite cold
Banjaxed - drunk
Bate -beat, I bate her up so ah did
Bate The Wife - bottle of bucky
Beezer - Very good, Thats Beezer
Beg -wafer thin plastic vessel; good for carrying shopping :also oul' beg" when referring to an elderly female
Boggen - dirty, unclean
Boss- Refering to someone you can't call your mate but either someone you work with, delievers Pizza or drives a taxi i.e Cheers Boss!
Boulin' -messing about
Bout Ye Big Lad -"Hello" Big Lad
Brave - large
Brew - weekly benefit
Bucky- Bottle Of Tonic Wine i.e Buckfast
Buggered -broken

C

Cameracorder -grannies use of the word "camcorder"
Cheeser -like Beezer, meaning "very good" or "exellent"
Chicken -child slang for "afraid"
Chinks -popular Chinese food Take Aways
Childer -children
Cracker -not something you put cheese on, means beezer
Creamed -tired

D

Dander -a walk, ie I'm goin fer a dander
Dawg -canine, dog
Digikil -common mis-prounciation of "Digital"
Drawers -underwear
Dour -a door
Duncher -Cap

E

Earlee-er -before the present
Eejit -derived from "Idiot", means "Idiot"

F

Faaler -father
Fally - follow
Fillum -a movie or film
Fingy -someone whose name you can't remember
Flour - a floor
Fut - foot

G

Gat -slang, You're a wee gat or get
Geg -fun, "Ats a geg"
Givuz -give me
Glass -Half-Pint
Goes -replaces the word "Said" ie And I goes: What? Are you slabberin'?" And then she goes,Yip."
Gutties -training shoes

H

Happy Days - that's good
Hardly -meaning "Thats not true" ie Hardly now. Hardly.
Hectic - See Mad
Heel -not to be confused with the back of your foot, means end of a loaf
Heerzme - "And then I said..."
Hippy - someone who likes Bon Jovi
Houl On -please wait

J

Job -activity usually carried out under the cover of night
Joken -joking

K

Kudn't -couldn't ie Ah kudn't do that...

L

Lairdindeyit -please do start eating (or drinking) see also
"wiredintillit"
Leenantarsapees -Famous Italian landmark
Lifted - arrested
Lingo -language

M

Mad - See Hectic
Mairshen -Emersion Heater
Magic -not tricks, but another word meaning great or good
Majassif - large
Mawn -a man, male
Meat Wagon -RUC Landrovers
Melt -no actual meaning, used as: "I'll knock your melt in"
Messages - weekly shopping
Milly -name given to teenage females. See also: Steek
Moufycunt - rather outspoken person
Mucker -a friend or mate
Muller -Mother or "Ma"


N

Nat- Not i.e Nah Im Nat- No Im Not
Nek it - drink that drink in one
Nice One -that was good
Norman -bullying term for someone with no friends
Norwegain - Another Gin please
Now Yer Sucken Deezel -that's a good way of going about that

O

Offees -alchohol retailer
Oi -a yelp for someones attention ie Oi! You! C'mere!"
Oxters -Armpits

P

Pat - container in which food is boiled
Prably -maybe, its likely
Passion -heavy rain in Ballymena
Parfil - strong
Peeler -a police officer
Piece-sandwich
Pot - short for Patrick
Pssskety -common misprounciation of "Spaghetti"
Purdie -countryside slang for Potato


R

Ragin' -angry, Ahm bloody ragin' so ah am.
>> >>>Ration -you'd be doing this if you were trying to get to somewhere
in a hurry, in Ballymena
Rare -not to be confused with "scarce", means crap

S

Samitch -mispronunciation of "Sandwhich"
Scundered - embarrassed
Sebm -seven [7]
Shap -shop
Shar -a shower
Sicken' Ye - would annoy you
Skinned Ye! - Haha my good friend, I do believe I won that particular game by a significant margin
Slabber -someone who makes bad comments about you behind your back or to your face
Spoofen - lying
Spide - see Steek
Spoon -someone with a low IQ
Steek -male wi

Now you will receive us. We do not ask for your poor or your hungry. We do not want your tired and sick. It is your corrupt we claim. It is your evil that will be saught by us. With every breath they shall be hunted down. Each day we will spill their blood ‘til it rains down from the skies. Do not kill, do not rape, to not steal. These are principles, which every man of every faith can embrace. These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.
There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption, into our domain. But if you do you, one day you will look behind you and you will me, and on that day, you will reap it. And I will send you to whatever god you wish.

And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, power hath descended forthfrom thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command. We shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.