Tribute to Jack Bauer

• Jack Bauer broke into the Russian Consulate and got captured because he thought it would be fun to compare Russian prisons with Chinese prisons.

• Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.

• The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

• Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer's mind. Now he's sitting in a wheel chair.

• When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

• There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.

• Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.

• Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

• Jack Bauer definitely loves his daughter; he wouldn't let anyone else who made that many stupid decisions live.

• Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."

• If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret service.

• Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

• Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.

• The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.

• Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear bomb went off.

• Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

• Chained to a chair, tortured, and with the threat of death hanging over him, Jack just wanted something to eat.

• Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

• If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

• Jack Bauer thinks the word mercy just means "quick interrogation."

• 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

• Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

• When Santa Claus asked Jack Bauer what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Jack Bauer and gets away with it.

• Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

• When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

• ...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."

• Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.

• Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

• Jack Bauer has the heart of a terrorist. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.

• The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.

• Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

• Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.

• Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

• Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

• When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.

• Jack Bauer doesn't

O flower of Scotland
When will we see
Your like again
That fought and died for
Your wee bit hill and glen
And stood against him
Proud Edward's army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again

The hills are bare now
And autumn leaves lie thick and still
O'er land that is lost now
Which those so dearly held
And stood against him
Proud Edward's army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again

Those days are passed now
And in the past they must remain
But we can still rise now
And be the nation again
And stood against him
Proud Edward's army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again

I cant get out the airport and i cant find a pub but there is a massage parlour so i suppose every cloud has its silver lining
I have already had a few free samples of whisky from the counters selling it so im just going to keep doing the rounds and then turn my jacket inside out and start all over.
The flight over was fantastic...I sat next to a french woman who never spoke one word of english but insisted on speaking to me the whole way To the other side was an old guy from Newcastle who didnt speak to me for ages but then he wouldnt shut up.He even gave me and Gisselle(thats the french bird) a couple of sleeping tablets so we would fall asleep and wake up in Bangkok..they were great,he actually fell asleep sitting up right leaning on his tray with pen in hand filling in his immigration slip for Bangkok.Gisselle was pissing herself but i think the fact that i changed his "Purpose of Visit to Thailand" from "vacation" to "Lady Boy Hunting" was pretty much lost on her.Hope the old boy got through immigration alright.

Anyway im off for now i have just noticed that the cognac free sample stall has just had a change of shift and that stuff is pretty good.
ttfn