My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those
"cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press
them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I
am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so
I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

"Cold wax, yeah...right! " I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the
skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward
body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using
the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to
the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and
brace myself....RRRRIIIPP P!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... .OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!! !

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and
spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious... must stay
conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to
normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in
the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip....it' s not! I touch.

I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?

I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

SEALED SHUT!!!!

MY BUTT IS SEALED SHUT!

SEALED SHUT!!!!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may
pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax
should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!!!


I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of
the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold
wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few
months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!! !

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation
starter..... .

"So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't

You all better do this!! Leave one memory of u and me together .. Anything u can think of from me being drunk and making a show myself to something I done what ever you can think off !!

Who are you?.......
2.Are we friends?........
3.When and how did we meet?........
4.Do you hav a crush on me?.........
5.Have you ever wanted to punch me?........
6.Give me a nikname and explain why?........
7.Describe me in 1 word........
8.What was ur first impression ov me?.......
9.Do u still fink the same?......
10.What reminds u of me?.....
11.If you could giv me anything wot would it b?......
12.How well do u no me?......
13.Whens the last time u saw me?.....
14.Are you goin 2 put this on ur blog and c wot i say about u Mmmmmmmmm?...