Bebo

Its Easter at last and what a lovely drive to work it was this morning with not much traffic, I have just gorged myself on an enormous fish from the local fish & chip shop and have finished off my stock taking so I should have a lovely peaceful afternoon to ponder the meaning of life which afterall is what Easter is supposed to represent.
Rebirth, yes, thats what we who are addicted do we need a total rebirth, and I guess before our jumping off point when our addiction was reaching the stage where it was threatening our existence, we were a rudderless ship in a huge empty ocean. Why then did we lack any direction, in my case it was because I had no beliefs.
Religeon totally contradicts Science and I had obtained a Physics degree and could see with the huge mountain of blind equations that there was no room for a God, hence it didnt matter really what I did with my life and since alcohol made me feel good I might as well as drink it, I was going to die anyway and my body would rot away into nothingness, my mind dissapear into a dreamless sleep.
I am still not religeous in the sence that I believe there is a old man in the sky watching our every move but AA step three requires we give our lives over to some concept of a higher power, we then have someone to steer our ships while we do the rowing.
All my life up to 2004 was cold and dark intellectualising of the world with glorious equations, but there was a part which didnt fit into this pattern and this was my Near Death Experience in 1990 when I managed to get 33% third degree burns on my body while sniffing petrol.
Gradually over time my belief has left the religeous straitjacket and my physics training has drifted from the cold mechanistic universe which is what most physicists are comfortable with, indeed many of the prominent physicists have no problem with the existence of a "super mind" like an ocean which our consciousness is merely ripples on its surface.
Physicists indeed in the last 20 years or so have moved into science fiction arena with 11 dimensional multiverses which our huge universe is merely a tiny tiny portion, infinite numbers of parallel universes to play out and explain quantum mechanics, strings, superstrings and branes, dark matter, dark energy etc...
My beliefs will never be set in stone but I do believe there is a whole multitude of worlds out there which our physical plane is the bottom rung of the ladder with regards to developing minds, and in thse worlds which are more composed of energy than matter (which is really energy anyway ref E=mc2) there is a whole hierachy of minds astronmically more powerful than ours.
God could be seen as the ultimate state of mind, the mind that is the basic fabric of the universe and brought matter in as a kindergarden to evolve other minds such as ours, this God is my higher power, well maybe I might be reporting to one of his liutenants!
Most importantly having a concept of higher power stops me from acting like well a man with no morals, it makes me want to help others even if it is for the good feeling, the natural antidepressant this gives me and it stops me from wanting to escape from reality using chemicals.
So I now live my life one day at a time and it might not seem like it with all that I have just said above but in this world I live in now, it makes my brain hurt to try and follow what the latest superstring theories tell us so ill leave that to people who are good with all the equations and maths and those who have a phenomenal imagination.
So thats where I am now and I did warn you all yesterday that I would be talking about the meaning of life today, but I doubt if I have left you more enlightened because my beliefs are personal to me and my path, everyone in AA has there own concept of a higher power which achieves the aim of giving there ship a rudder in the huge ocean of life!