You know the meaning of the word "girt".

You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.

You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

You can translate: "Dazza and Chazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."

You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.

You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".

You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call "Anzac cookies".

You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

The End