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Chris Rock - Can White People Say...
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what type of mate r u???
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Addicted to One Tree Hill
“PEYTON: Ok, how bout this? How bout Peyton puts on a nice dress, watches Lucas get married, get's wasted and has drunken meaningless sex with some guy at the reception!
BROOKE: Yes!!!
SKILLS: Hey baby, i ever tell you how sexy you look in that dress?? ”
-Skills Taylor
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But the question remains the same: Can white people say "nigger"? And the answer's the same: not really. But wait a minute, there's one exception. There's one exception. There's one instance where white people can say nigger. And I'ma let it out tonight. I'ma let it out here in Johannesburg. The one time that white people can say nigger. White people are like "this is what I paid for! It's a fuckin' great night now!" The one time white people can say nigger: here it goes; listen closely. 'Cause I may never say this shit again. The one time white people can sat nigger, OK: if it's Christmas Eve, and it's between 4:30 and 4:49 in the morning. If you white, and you're on your way to Toys 'R' Us to get your kid the last Transformer doll, and right before you walk into Toys 'R' Us, some black person runs up beside you, smacks you in the head with a brick, knocks you to the ground, stomps on your face--"take that, you cracker-ass motherfucker!" Riverdances on your head--"take that, you cracker-ass motherfucker!" Takes your money, pisses on you, and runs away--if you white, at that moment, you can say "Somebody stop that nigger!" Matter of fact, if you white and that happens to you, you can say nigger for a whole month! But you gotta walk around with the police report in your pocket. In case any black people catch you sayin' nigger, the police report will act as your freedom papers. "Hey, I heard you saying nigger; let me see your fuckin' papers. Gimme the papers; show me the papers!" [pretends to read a sheet] "Christmas Eve! 4:48! You just made it, motherfucker! Pissed on you! ...I hope they catch that nigger!"
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0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Raise on Subway
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket."
"Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"
Birthday Present
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
Church Bells
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
Glad to be Drunk
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
I Thought You Were My Wife
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up
her skirt and began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH
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Humpty Dumpty's on the wall
Dialed the tele placed a special call
The 10 minute wait just killed his balls
And that's really the true reason why Bad Humpty did fall
Library Rules
No Eating
No Drinking
No Talking
Or Shouting
No Swearing
No Spitting
No Hopping
Or Skipping
No Smoking
No Smirking
No Pushing
Or Shoving
No Coughing
No Sneezing
No Sniffling
Or Wheezing
No Pets and
No Petting
No Singing
Or Dancing
No Doodling
Canoodling
Or Fooling
Around
And thanks to
Dear Tony
No Fucking
Books
whats the difference between ooohh and aaahhh?
About three inches 
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hellooooo kirkeee,
loving the skin
ily tooooo
love connnnn
HAVE LOVE
KIRSTYY
Yeah I'm good thanks are you??
Er Not much different than last year nowt specials happened lol
What Bout yours??
Ain't been up to much part for reading ma books
I've kinda got a little.tiny. obsession goin haha
what you been up to ??
Returning the loveage for the little cuzin
Love ya
Amiiee xx
ahh wow ty.
god thats pretty lame.
i was expecting it quite soon tbh.
its been literaly driving me nuts Lmfao.
Ty muchllyy.
(:
hiya i was wonderin if u cud help me...
ive made a skin..but i want it so its got the big at the top it jus cums out all normal...nd half my skin is covered by my profile pic...if u help me il send u sum love 2mra wen i get it again
thanks xx
MERRY CHRISTMAS BIATCH XD
xx
Love 4 ma outha half
want it back tho
OR ELSE phahha
lmaoo dey wernt as scared of mehh dey wer more scared of you xD
im well good at football wah you on bwt phaaa
becz im the best cuz in the world i shud get the love ide give you mine bt like they sey
Luv is rare. You can only give it 3 times a day.
love youu
xxx
Good Good (y) glad ma lil ditcher cuzin is fine XD onlii jkin wif ya
yeahh i fink hes older he may very well be 91 lmaooo
you do realise if he ever sees this wer dead hahahaha ahhh well he carnt exactly chase us can Phahahaha...
nahh i wnt snap at ya its forgot still mad tho i dint wnt beer i wnted tu cme owt bt your tellin me der wernt enuff room in hyde for meh nd laura lmaoooo anywaii like i sed its forgot but ou shud feel sorry 4 mehh
wooooo goiin seein tine 2mz aint see er in a while so dat shud be nice + nanas home cooking yummmmyyyy XD
and i neva leave you owt ya cheeky bitch wen we was lil you used to leave meh out nd go play footie wiff the lads nd leftmeh alone wiff ma dollies :'(
tap bck
love your greatest cuz evaaaaa
xx
Luv is rare. You can only give it 3 times a day.
sorry maytee crnt argue wiff bebo lmaoo XD
xx
Helllo Bitach x
You okaii??
your still a tiet arse for ditchin meh ill remeber it wen ya sat in on ya todd on a fridaii night like you left meh *evil look* anywaiiii
woooo wer off too nanas 2mz and that means it onlii 2 daiiz away from xmasss and onlii one daii away frm grandads birthday so ill be seein ya der too lmaoo
dunno why im writtin some soddin paragraph 4 ya
ya dnt deserve it (jkes jkes) yanoo ya ma bby cuz realii
anywaiiiii
tap Bck soonage
love ya bestest cuzin in da world ever ( and has never left you out unlike someone i know *cough Cough*)
love ya
Amiiee-Louiiiisseeeeee =)
xx
Happy Birthday for yesterday
i forgot to leave a comment, but i did give you a card so its all good
ilu
x
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday to you ! ! !!
Happy Happy Happy Happy Birhday.... to you ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Go socks LOL
Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Kirkee.
Haaaaaaapy birthday to you : P
Sorry, I know that I have done this all day, buit hunny, It's cos I lovee youu : P
Have my very lastest love for the whole day : )
Ly hun : ) xxxx
hahaha both piss eds init m8 lol
yehh il porbz get served and bring sum beer dwn or sumfin lol depends wot we do yet
and fags i got served for fags last week wooo lmao
haha
i no sum lad in hyde lol cnt memba where he lives gee cross or newton lol xxxxxx
hyaaa
haha alcoholic arrow for mee on 2ltr lmao
u cnt say fuk u was as fucked as me
as usual wen i see ya lol and we get pissed
i fink we cumin see u dis week or r u cumin dwn?
wb xxxxx
hey hun : )
He also has Josh, Becky, Connor and everyone else that read the comments he made!
I made him delete it : P
with a little effort.
He came no wear near me today.. shock shock haha.
If he does, hes getting it (y)
lyl hun : )
see you soon : ) xxx
Love returned
x
=o =o NO, what does it say about me? I dont have his bebo..
I'm going to absolutely kill the littel twat! I hate him!
Connor said theer was some bullshit about me on his bebo...
Tell me what it says, in taking it to his rents or something. I might just smack him on monday aswell.
If someone complains, ill just show them what hes said about me.
Evie'll smack him aswell.
Scribble back...
L'yy xxx
P.S..
Glad you liked the things I said about you on my blog. Im not so pathetic as to write shit about other people. I only write good things, about people who are worth writing about...
ANDREW WILLIAMS NOT BEING ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
Id watch out if I were him... Cos hes gunna get it in the face!
KIRSTY
yeh thanks im goood... and yourself?
and lmaoo , its ginger and mint tbh
just been with katie and that , you?
sorry got no love left so i will give you some tomorrow
ilu
x
Lmaoooo x
Awwww bin a funneh night aint it cuz
Heres the love you dont deserve bt yabo we family soo ya gta av it
Amiiee
xx
Helloooo,
Yuuu okaiii?
Wubu22?
Hahaa Fridayy!
U betaa b owtt thiss weeekk
Wass a good nittee
rytt bkk
lyll
lauraa xxx