*silence* David Dance

so i says to mabel i says "hey mabel?! wtf are you doing?"
i luv mabel

policeman: if your in a car with a dangerous driver then get out! just get out!
me (to sam): not while its moving
sam: oh right (nodds with understanding)

me: (talking about the lead girl from Hairspray)
sam and rosie: the main girl in hairspray is a man (serious faces)
me: no its not!
sam and rosie: yes it is
hannah: no its not
sam and rosie: well we havent seen it before
me: neither have i

sam: Autumn i need to tell you something
(begins to tell Autumn a secret)
caitlin: (butting it) hey...
me: wait a minute caitlin...i...err...need to talk to sam about something i read in the mail!

‘My Dads not just a postman. He IS a postman!’

david run into a goalpost!

autumn: sam, did you know that rugby players ears swell up?
sam: do they?
autumn: yeh cos when there in the scrum ther heads rub together
sam:wow!
autumn: and also did you no that golf players ears swell up?
sam: really? do they?
autumn:yes
sam: why is it cos of the golf sticks or something??

‘Do yoo believe in dead people?’

‘Are yoo Calum?’

sam~ "im getting my lip changed on saturday!"

‘OMG! The Polish are coming!’

'OMG! You bum wiped it!'

sam: ‘I’m going to get my Tuesday pierced on tongue.’

me to caitlin: You have to be over sixteen to buy chewing gum
caitlin: aw! no way!

me: omg! caitlin! i met kt tunstal in ayr- and she bought me coffee
caitlin: omg wow!

‘I’ve been smoking marijuana’
Someone’s Mum

To Caitlin
Have yoo ever been out with Calum?

‘YES WE DID IT! WE DID IT! COME ON!’

Calum: Did yoo know that cows hibernate in winter!
sam: Omg! Really? No way!
Calum: Yeah, have yoo ever seen a cow in winter?
sam: *looks outside* Omg! I never noticed before
sam: How do we get milk in winter then?
Calum: They freeze it!
sam: Ewe! I’m never drinking milk again

lets go to MFI and sleep in the beds
omg! caitlin saw MFI live!

Calum: Did yoo know that if yoo work in a nuclear power station for over five years yoor sperm turns neon green?
sam: Wow! Neon green sperm!

Autumn: What’s wrong with people being different?
Angus: OMG! Autumn yoor such a racist

taylor: YES! YES! WE DID IT! WE DID IT!
Autumn: Who yoo on the phone to Taylor?
Taylor: Autumn

PE Teacher: Do you guys want some coffee while your standing there doing nothing?
Us: Yeah, alright
sam: Can I have tea instead?
(5 minutes later)
me:can i have my coffee now?

mr charmicheal: autumn, samanthas back from the toilet now. do you need to go?
me: erm no im ok - what? do you decide when i should go to the toilet now? you dont think my bladder can take a one hour pe lesson? you think i have a weak bladder or something? well no, i dont need to go ok?!
(five minutes later)
me: can i go to the toilet please?

PE Teacher: Pick him up, he wants it!

Olive! Olive! CAKE!

Man Flakes: Pick Up A Man Today!

When sam had her hands on Rosie’s boobs for five minutes and she didn’t even notice!

Midget! Midget! MIDGET!

When sam was moshing and her top fell down and no one told her so she didn’t notice it for god knows how long!

Mr Pizza Hut man! aka mr pete zahut

rosie, calum, caitlin, ali d: [rambling on about all the fun and excitement at a party]
me and sam: oh yeh?! well while you were at your rubbish party we were spending friday night knitting scarves!


History teacher-ok everyone read out your marks. Sam what did you get??
sam- 3.........no..............wait....
 .........9!!!


[to some guy on the phone]~ what?? you have dairy lee in your pants?? thats sick! are you a boy or a girl?? check!

little boy[to sam]: excuse me, can i buy a cigarette off you??
sam: yeh sure [takes the pound coin]
little boy: [nervously] can i have two please??
me: erm no thats £1.50
....later.....
me: well sam you have to be tough when you sell cigarettes- especially to childr

Hiya _____________,
The best thing about you is _________________. You make me _____________. We are ___________. The best present i could give to you is ______________. I wish you would take me to _______________ soo we could ____________________. I'll ________________ soon.

Love __________________

mummy- Lindsay--sam
daddy- calum [calpol]--sam
lil sis-sam
big bro-Marcathus--sam
twin sis- Ailsa--sam
daughter- Samba--sam
cousin- Maddie--sam

luver-sam
secret luver-sam
fuzzy little man peach-Calum (Calpol)--sam
2nd fuzzy little man peach-Harry--sam
stalker- Sam
booty call- Sean--sam
lesbian luver-sam
hungry-hungry-hippo- kate--sam
bully-sam
phsyco hose beast-sam
me-sam

best mate- Rosie--sam
bitch 1- Ryan--sam
bitch 2-kyle--sam
bitch 3-RAINMAN (raymond)--sam
bitch 4-sam
bitch 5-sam
oldest friend- Sam, Caitlin