armagh-GAA fanatics who hate members of rival clubs more than they hate loyalists. make a weekly trip to jonesborough market to stock up on red diesel, stolen northern bank notes and turf

tyrone- farmers obsessed with how much land their parents are going to leave them. still worship peter canavan. some adventurous ones may venture to belfast to go to queens and only talk to people from back home, only drink in the parlour/bot and wear tyrone tops at all time even if its minus 3 degrees

derry hey- the worst accent in the world! aaaaalright hi, whaaats haaappening. the women are born with fake tan and short skirts on and they all want to be nadine coyle. all complete party heads who seem to think life is one big competition to see who can get the most fucked up. a good night out involves cheep drinks in the ice wharf then kicking the shit out of huns outside a chippy.

Carlow = Mad for sugar beat cant get enough of it Hobbies:Growing sugar Beat

Cavan = filthy, ignorant hillbillies, tight. Hobbies: discovering IRA ammo dumps and knitting black balaclavas.

Clare = fiddle-playing charming people and, more recently, fine footballers. Hobbies: Falling into pot-holes and being never heard from ever again, setting up golf courses in their back lawns.

Cork = the loveable rogues of Ireland. Here for everyone else’s entertainment. Hobbies: Milking cows, being European capital of culture but not knowing what exactly that means or how they got it boy?

Donegal = away in their own world up there, not much known about this eccentric type. Hobbies: Stripping the Irish coast of fishies, running back up to their corner of the island and blaming the spanish….aye twas the spanish!!

Dublin North = criminals, drug dealers and factory workers, dirty women, skinheads and all-round examples of human waste. Hobbies: Heroin and watching serial numbers being filed off stolen BMW's, joy-riding anything from a lexus to a washing machine.
Dublin South = west Brits, snobs, rich, easy glamorous women. Hobbies: talking sh*te and sleeping with their best friend's spouse or mother.

Galway = sophisticated culchies, sexually adventurous, cultured and wealthy. Hobbies: Teaching sex acrobatics to foreign tourists, dropping acid, juggling with fire on the streets, paying a million pounds for a three bedroom suburban house and pretending it was a bargain.

Kerry = God’s kingdom on earth, no doubt about it. Some of the best land in Ireland but they don’t tell anyone this. Hobbies: Football, swimming with dolphins, football, seeing how many foreigners they can score each year, football, hosting a massive festival every week, football, going to the south pole and football.

Kildare = is anyone really from Kildare or are they all just from Dublin? Hobbies: Denying they have anything to do with Dublin. Spending best part of 4 hours each day travelling to and from Dublin. Using Daz for whiter than white jerseys on a summer’s day.

Kilkenny = red haired alcoholics who refuse to believe not all land in Ireland is capable of growing barley and wheat “not a bother”. Hobbies = driving massive combines, hosting comedy festivals and having red-haired babies.

Laois = harmless aul bunch of lads, hope to have the whole county by-passed at some stage by 2025 so they can get on with their own business. Hobbies: Living an honest life, collecting EU development grants, getting the p*ss taken out of them for being the queen’s county…haha ye plantation bast*rds!

Leitrim = enigmatic reclusive weirdos. Hobbies: learning about traffic lights and roundabouts in school (night school for adults that is)

Limerick = grand place, great sports people, city has bad reputation through no fault of its own. Hobbies: stabbing people, gang-land murders, drug hauls, graffiti spraying, joy-riding….

Longford = Gombeen men. Hobbies: Legalising bestiality.

Louth = IRA supporters, smugglers and bandits. Hobbies: Tearing through Cooley at 125M

1. People who point at their wrist while asking
for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours?
Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse
to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to
walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have
your cake and eat it too".
F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't
eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last
place you look". Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after
you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film
"did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and
stare at the fucking
floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a
question?. Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which
is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If
it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short".
What the fuck?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can
you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone
asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here,
knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't
what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks
'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I
hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the
toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't
understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are
ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets
blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking
McTosser.