“it is incredible what a dog has to put up with these days for a tin of questionable meat-by-products, a mat in the basement and an occasional pull through the park on the end of a leash,” a Spaniel named Buttons mused. “The baby talk, the indignity of being rolled over and having the personal bits exposed, the cheap tricks required when there is company. Sometimes I would just like to throw up my paws and get out of the dog game.”

“You’ll get no arguments from me” sighed Pierre, a Toy Poodle. “Look how they send me out blue bow in the hair, nails manicured, designer coat with embroidered monogram, tail provocatively clipped. I am a laughing stock. When I growl, the other dogs just throw me a kiss and ask if I would like to go dancing Saturday night, woo, woo.”

“Yes, chase a stupid ball, sit up and beg for a biscuit that’s been in a pocket for a week, and what’s the reward? A pat on the head. Then I cough and sneeze and break out in a rash.”

“You too? I thought I was the only one. I don’t know what it is but after I’ve been forced to sit on a lap, I itch for hours. It drives me nuts.”

“Too true. And then when you start scratching your ears or biting your tail area, they have the nerve to put you outside and write down Flea Collar on the shopping list. It is incredible. They always think they are so perfect.”

“What gets me is when they have a cold. They never cover their mouths when they are talking to you. They can sneeze right into your face without so much as a by-your-leave. In fact, the first thing they do when they get sick is force you to get into bed with them for company while they watch soap operas and sip tomato soup.”

“It is a miracle we aren’t all dead,” Buttons muttered. “They are always coming down with spots of some kind, especially the younger ones, and that’s when they want to hug you the most.”

“Never give it a second thought, do they?” Pierre responded. “If I had a dollar for every time one of them with bad breath wanted to put his face next to mine, I would be holidaying this very moment in the south of France with a big, brawny bulldog of the female persuasion, chasing cats for the occasional bit of exercise and saluting palm trees in our usual manner.”

“Do yours ever stumble in at 3 a.m. smelling of wine and cigarettes and then insist on taking you for a walk when all you want is to be left alone?”

“All the time.”

“You feel a real idiot standing out in the middle of the park, usually in the rain, with some bozo shouting, ‘Be a good boy!’ so half the city can hear. It is a constant wonder to me that more of them aren’t bitten on the leg than humane society reports show.”

“Thoughtless, that’s what they are. And every time they have an emotional crisis, they are always grabbing you around the neck, practically choking off your air, and saying, ‘You’re the only friend I have, Pierre’ or whatever.”

“Young women are the worst.”

“Yes, show me a young woman having problems with her boyfriend and I’ll show you a dog that is gasping for breath and bothered with a nervous rash from being lifted up when in a deep sleep without warning. At least men only shout at you when their love affairs go wrong.”

“Meanwhile, of course, they are always sending you to the vet to have surgery so your own romantic activities are, ahem, curtailed. Why do we put up with them?”

“I don’t know but it sure explains why we chew grass and throw up on their rugs

World’s largest dog: The worlds heaviest as well as longest dog ever recorded was an Old English Mastiff named Zorba. In 1989, Zorba weighed 343 lbs and was 8 feet 3 inches long from nose to tail!

World’s tallest dog: The tallest dog on record was named Shamgret Danzas. He was 42 inches tall (at the shoulder) and weighed 236 lbs.

World’s smallest dog: The smallest dog in history was a tiny Yorkie from Blackburn, England. At two years of age and fully grown this little dude was an incredible 2.5 inches tall by 3.75 inches long! He weighed only 4 ounces! He was approximately the size of a matchbox.

World’s oldest dog: The oldest dog that has been reliably documented was an Australian Cattle Dog named Bluey. He was put to sleep at the age of 29 years and 5 months!

World’s best drug sniffing dogs: A US Customs Labrador named Snag has made 118 drug seizures worth a canine record of $810 million. The greatest number of drug seizures by dogs is 969 in 1988. IN ONE YEAR! The team of Rocky and Barco patrolled the Texas and Mexico border, alias “Cocaine Alley.” They were so good that Mexican drug lords put a price of $30,000 on their heads.

All dogs, from German Shepherd to the tiny Poodle, are direct descendants of wolves. They can all breed together and produce fertile offspring. Technically they are of the same species.

Dogs can very easily regurgitate. If fact, after eating wolves can travel significant distances back to their dens and regurgitate the food at will to feed their pups!

Dogs can see colour but it is not as vivid a colour scheme as we see. It is much like our vision at night.

Some authorities estimate that some dogs’ sense of olfaction (smelling) is as high as I million times greater than ours.

Canis Major or The Great Dog: The great dog follows his master, Orion, as he makes his annual journey through the sky. Sirius, also known as the Dog Star, is located on the shoulder of Canis Major. It is the brightest in the heavens, and its name means sparkling and scorching, as it is nearest to the sun during the height of summer. This is where the term “Dog Days” comes from.

Argos or Argus, Ulysses’ hunting dog, was the only creature to recognize the Greek hero when he returned home disguised as a beggar after 20 years of adventure

Cerberus, the three-headed dog of Greek mythology, guarded the gates to the underworld.

Laika became the world’s first space traveller. Russian scientists sent the small animal aloft in an artificial earth satellite in 1957.

The basenji, an African wolf dog, is the only dog that cannot bark.

Irish Wolfhounds rank as the largest dog, the Chihuahuas as the smallest dog and the St. Bernard as the heaviest dog.

A dog’s heart beats between 70 and 120 times a minute, compared with a human heart which beats 70 to 80 times a minute