Some thoughts from THIS side of the needle.#1
I keep getting e-mails from people regarding them "Wanting" an apprenticeship. As much as I'm tempted sometimes to answer them with "People in Hell want ice-water....” I usually reply with a polite "I'm not looking for a migraine, thanks but no thanks, no offence to you bla bla" mail. Anyway, I was bored, so here are some reasons I thought up and posted on a forum I like.
Ok, you have decided you want to secure a Tattooing Apprenticeship, what should you know, and why will this advice make any difference to you in your search?
Well, the first thing you have to know is that there is no such thing as a “Tattoo Apprenticeship”. After 4 years in a professional studio environment, you won’t get a laminated certificate from the nice people at the City and Guilds Charter Office. You won’t be able to hang a sign outside saying “Tattoos by Joe Bloggs (T.A). It’s not like a plumbing apprenticeship where you have the proof of tests passed and certificates awarded. In fact, the most accurate description, in my opinion, would be that you would get a “Shown How to Do Tattoo Stuff” course that lasted between 3 and 5 years. If you really were interested in TATTOOING and not the fabled rock-star lifestyle that those of us who have studios of our own enjoy. I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about, we turn up at the local nightclub in a limo all the time with totty literally hanging off us, covered in bling and giving the world the one-finger salute and getting in everywhere before the rest of the people queuing because we know all the bouncers. All the free equipment we have lavished upon us by adoring supply-companies is handy too, not to mention the fact that everyone in local authority bends over backwards to make sure we are able to run our business smoothly. Yes Sirree, life sure is sweet when you’re a successful Tattoo Arteest, toolin’ around town in your fancy wheels and being the envy of all you come into contact with.
If you think that’s the sort of lives we live, then it’s not a Tattoo Apprenticeship you should be looking for, it’s a stint with the rest of the fucking clowns at Billy Smarts Circus.
Look, not to sound condescending, but here’s the rub.
When Artists see all you people posting the same pathetic words time after time, despite the fact that approximately a gazillion-thousand others have posted almost exactly the same damn thing in numerous forums then you MUST understand why you get met with derision.
If you don’t, then you’re a moron.
If you’re a moron, or maybe just to pre-empt any moronic posts, put quite simply, we wouldn’t take on anyone stupid enough to persist in this fashion. No-one, or maybe one or two VERY unusual cases, has yet got a favourable response from these types of post, at least not after the first few, and not just on this forum. Take what you will from that, but using it as an opinion poll; I’d say that it was 100% likely to fail. Imagine taking on an apprentice who had to be told the same things over and over and over again, without them actually absorbing any of the info. It would be like Groundhog Day but bloodier in the long run.
Okay, what else? Oh yeah, starter kits. When we all tell you they aren’t worth the money, it’s not because we’re trembling in our boots with fear that you’ll buy one and immediately astound the Tattoo world with your brilliance, Thus putting all us old windbags in the shade. No. It’s because a very large percentage of us are of a certain generation. We’re the original Generation-X, we’re the punks and rockers of the late 70’s and 80’s, WE’RE the original “people to avoid”, the “bad crowd”, we’re the negative influence on all the little swots and mummy’s boys of the 80’s, the people who scorned yuppies and lived on the road at festivals and conventions, we’re the Ink-Gypsies of the 20th Century’s last
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