Wainers- "Can someone buy me £50?"

Dave- "I don't know what I'll be on."
Tier 6- "The floor."

Dalsberg- "If Hitler farts on your face, you'll be dead in 10 years."

Tier 6- "Nah man she's clean...I think."

Dan James- *Looks at telly* "Am I playing that?"

Dan James- "Brutifull"

Dan James- "Dave, your a quantum meathead!"

A chick was currently all over Dan. Dalsberg wanted some on a rolie.
Dalsberg- "After you"
Dan James- "What, Her?"

Kee- "How many's in a pack of 10?"

Dave- "Remember that challenge Danni set me?"
'I'll out drink you Dave.'
"I'd like to see you try."
Ian- "She's gonna get owned."

Martin- "What does 'MC To The B' stand for?"
Dave- "Davadod Major Chronic To The Bong."

Lori- "The moment you said, "It's terribly interesting" I thought to myself, it's either computers, a new bong, or porn."

Kee- "Wilson, are you wrapping a Jules?"
Wilson- "...No"
Kee- "What do you mean 'no'?!"

Tom- "Rolling silver skins is liek rolling pubes."

Random guy on Halo- *shouts* "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU'LL ONLY DIE TIRED!"

Dave- "Wilson...If I don't eat today......I can buy a Q."

Tom- "For fucks sake Sian you fucking bucket."

Tommy's work colleagues- *shouts* "TOMMY...YOUR GOONS ARE OUTSIDE!"
Tommy- *Faintly heard* "I'm havin' a dump."
Tommy's work colleagues- "He's taking a dump boys."

Nikki- "Kee, do you reckon I've changed since year 6?"
Kee- "Yeh...Now your an even bigger state."

Horton- "I'd punch a girl."

Taylor- *shouts* "RUH RUH RUH, BEN'S MRS! RUH!"

Kee- "So...You're a bit of a bucket then?"

Taylor- "DOWN BOY DOWN!"

Richard- "Dave, what's that?"
Dave- "An Ethernet cable."
Richard- "Oh, ok. What's that then?"
Dave- "The other end of the same Ethernet cable."

Kee- "Dave what are you up for?"
Dave- "A julie."

Wilson- "Why does that one cost £100 more?"
Dave- "I dunno leh."
Wilson- "Do they think they're the big kids on the fucking block?"

Wilson- "Who's that above me in Kino's top 16?"
Dave- "Ahhhhhh it's Liv blud. She gave me money."
Wilson- "I'm gonna punch her in the fuckin head!"

Wilson to his sister- "Shut up before I drill you in the fucking mouth!"

Wilson- "Sir have you ever drank any of that bord cleaner?"
Mr Taylor- "Not straight."

All- "Frey's been sick."

Dave- *Shouts* "MUM PICK UP THE PHONE!"
Margery- *Picks up*
Dave- "WAZZAP!"

Horton- "I'd better get bk to the misses."
Dave- "...Buzzid."

Dave- "You want these?"
Cris- "Yes please!"

Dave- *Lies back, tinny in hand, after a massive shotty.* "That's the shit boys."

Wilson- "Fuck me!
Dave- "What?"
Wilson- "I'm all outa' enemies."

Tom- "Randell, your ass-hole's soo big, even Indiana Jones could get lost in there."

Wilson- "Fuck, I got a fucking hole in my fucking shorts."
Luke Dalin- "It's your massive Gerf that did that boy."

Cav- "Spiderman is emo."

Cecilia- "I once asked what was the equivalent pain-wise for us."
Frey- "What getting kicked in the balls? I think it's giving birth."
Cecilia- "Nah thats worse, it's like shitting out a watermelon."

Ruth speaking to Wilson about the time that he got with 'The Boy'- "I believe you forced yourself on her and tried to get her to do stuff she didn't want to do."

Dave- "Take the blue pill, and you get kaned. Take the red pill, you're the buzzid rat of the day."

Dave- "It's hard to believe that out of all the millions of sperm, you were the strongest. Imagine what the others must have been like."

Wilson referring to sex in the sea- "Hmm... An awesome sensation, or a salty bellend?"

Robbie- "Dave, what are you on?"
Dave- "Same thing you are blud."
Robbie- "Oh? What's that?"
Dave- "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED."

Kee- "Aint' I the clever boy."
Dave- "How?"
Kee- "Because I'm going to get BLAAZZEEED!"
Dave- "Fuck, so am I then."

Dave- "You are what you eat."
Erin- "I'm not a pen lid."
Dave- "Yes you are. Dw bout it, I'm a cunt."

*Random kid runs into room where Dave and Kee are se

1. The Bob Dole
Before all is said and done, I will make this one famous. All credit for this must go to the man who created it, for now he shall be known only as “Maples”. I described this tactic once before. Wait until the woman is a few seconds away from an orgasm, stop, look her straight in the eye, and say in a low tone “Bob Dole”. This never fails to end a relationship.

2. The Ninja Scream
This is done mid-sex. As soon as things get hot and heavy and the girl is getting into it, start pounding her as hard as you can and scream out “NINJA! IM A NINJA!” Immediately after you say this, jump up and start fake fighting an imaginary foe.

3. Yo Querro Taco Bell
This one is done while you are eating the pussy. Again, you must wait until she is all hot. The trick to this one is getting that first little scream. You must then stop, look at her and wait for her to look back, smile, and say “Yo querro Taco Bell.” You must then continue on like nothing happened.

4. The “Dwayne Johnson”
The great one himself inspired this one. Here is the deal: while in mid stroke, say in a manly voice, “You like this? Want more?” She will start to respond. As soon as she opens up her mouth to say something, cut her off in a loud voice and shout “It doesn’t matter!”

5. The Primus
You can only pull this one off if your name is not Mud. This one differs from the others also in the fact that it is done right after sex. While you are both basking in the goodness that is the few minutes after sex, tell her your name is Mud using your best Primus voice. When she looks at you funny, continue to go through the rest of the lyrics to the song until she gives up and leaves.

6. Screaming your own name
The key to doing this one right is to wait until she says your name. As soon as she does this, say “Yeah, ZERO! Fucking ZERO! YOU ROCK!” Substitute my name for your own.

7. The “Chas”
This can be pulled off at any time during intercourse. You have to be all into it then all of a sudden get an annoyed look on your face and scream out in the direction of the nearest room, “MOM! MEATLOAF!” Go back to fucking her for a second then get an even more annoyed look and scream it again.

8. The “Jesus”
This must be done during the more intimate moments. You know, when she is looking you in the eye with that sweet, chick-like, I-love-you look. Slow things down a bit, stare at her back, and in a girly voice sing “Jesus loves the little children...”

9. The “Arnold”
While “Get to the chopper, NOW!” is the best, any of Arnolds catch phrases may be used. In order to make this funny, you must kind of sound like Arnold when you are doing it. Another good one to use is “So, you cook up a story and toss the six of us in a meat grinder?”