|1.||from party to partly dead||See below|
|2.||bad dreams in hospitals bout lost father||Read it Now|
|3.||3 yrs later boy problems||Read it Now|
|4.||everythings crazzi||Read it Now|
|5.||hell or heaven||Read it Now|
|6.||a book of dreams tht lead to death mohahahaha||Read it Now|
|7.||people dream bout crazy things/this is not a book it crazzi dreams||Read it Now|
|8.||anotha crazzi dream||Read it Now|
|9.||a nova crazzi one||Read it Now|
|10.||and a nova||Read it Now|
|from party to partly dead|
|party lik a roqstar|
u see i used to be so sweet i had a schloer and everything till i lost it stealing for mii friendz now im at ease to go out and cravein fo drugs and partys if u r me now pleazz don't be lik me jus read ull be dissaponited.....
I was 14 years old and beyond excited. I think it’s fair to say that I was giddy with anticipation in that delicious fervour belonging solely to the young teen years. On New Years Eve I was doing my first ever fashion show, it was in a nightclub and one of the coolest clubs in town at that. I was so excited at the possibility of who could be there; maybe I would get discovered or meet the boy of my dreams, or both. I had rehearsed my routine methodically, I knew all the moves, and my outfits were to die for gorgeous, I was sure that it was going to be the best night of my life.
A group of my friends, the older, “cool” crowd who had taken me under their wing, no doubt spotting instantly my potential for rocket like antics, were coming to the club to watch me strut my stuff. We were then going to the bay to watch the fireworks and party like there was no tomorrow at the beach parties. What more could I ask for? A night which promised to contain the glamour that I adored and the partying that I loved even more.
This night was also going to signal another first, the first time I took a trip, acid, LSD whatever you want to call it. I had of course, tried dope loads of time and had also done speed a few times but I had been longing to take a trip for ages. I was fascinated to be transported into this magical hallucinogenic world that I had heard so much about. I had visions that it was going to be something like Enid Blyton’s Magic Faraway Tree, full of dreamlike, fairytale visions. There has always been something hugely appealing to me about escaping from reality and a drug that promised total escapism had to be sampled.
In the afternoon all the models were gathered together getting our hair and makeup done, which alone felt gloriously glamorous and made me dream of being catapulted into superstardom. We were on our tea break when I over-heard two of the more established models talking. They were the girls who I aspired to be like; they were older, taller, thinner and infinitely more glamorous than me. One of them said to her friend “all I’ve eaten in 3 days is 2 yoghurts”, I looked at her, and she looked so perfect and so impossibly thin that it made me feel utterly inadequate. I watched her pick at a kebab; taking about three bites before announcing that she couldn’t possibly eat any more as I hungrily wolfed all of mine down and felt self-loathing. Why couldn’t I have the will-power to restrict myself to only eat 2 yoghurts in 3 days? Why couldn’t I be as thin and as perfect looking at this goddess?
I had felt like this once before about six months prior when I’d been sent to a casting for a TV Commercial. The agency had sent 30 girls; we all had to stand in a line while casting directors inspected us as if we were cattle. I had spent 3 hours getting ready, agonising over what to wear and when I went into the casting venue, a posh hotel in town, I wanted to run away immediately. I was conspicuously shorter, plainer, fatter, and my outfit was all wrong, I had no place here. I looked around at all the exquisite creatures and expected someone to ask me what I was doing here; I was so clearly an impostor and nowhere near in the league of these girls. I unsurprisingly didn’t make the shortlist, I couldn’t wait to get away and hide and I hardly ate for 2 weeks afterwards.
After our tea break at which I was the only one to eat anything we went back to some house to finish getting our makeup done. About an hour before the show was due to start somehow from somewhere my wild, crazy friend Anuk showed up and dragged me away. “I have your trip, take it now”, she whispered, her eyes gleaming with anticipation. I think I feebly protested for oh about 30 seconds, vaguely worried about whether it would make me mess the show up. I was still a drugs novice at this stage but eager to experience all and infinitely too easily led.
She told me that if I took it now it would mean that the buzz would just start hitting me when the show had finished. The rest of the gang and her were all taking theirs now and apparently it was vital that we all got the same hit at the same time. “We all have to be part of the same world and at one with each other,” she explained. I soon realised for myself that tripping is all about being able to appreciate the same madness and being of the same mentality which will enable us to be astounded at the everyday things which suddenly take on a mystical quality.
I didn’t really take much convincing. She was the expert after all; I was putty in her hands, in any ones hands, blindly trusting and naïve as only a 14 year old can be.
I can’t remember when it first hit me. I remember being backstage stroking the pretty sparkly dress that someone had dressed me in. I looked around at the models, the dressers, the hairdressers and the makeup artists, all busy rushing around. I wondered what the fuck they were all doing and it was all I could do to stop myself from bursting out laughing.
All of a sudden I was rudely awakened from my trance-like state captivated by the shininess of my dress to be pushed onto a catwalk full of bright lights and people everywhere. Everything was a blur; all I saw was 2 dancers at the end of the catwalk who were waving sparklers about. Those sparklers were so beautiful, like magical balls of fire and I HAD to have one. I ran down the catwalk, grabbed a sparkler off a bemused dancer and stood there shaking it about like a glow stick, I don’t think I realised for a while that it had burnt out. I looked up into the balcony, there was my crew, they knew how I was feeling and I couldn’t wait to be amongst my own, “hello everyone” I shouted up at them, waving manically with my burnt out sparkler.
I think the show went on around me while I stood like a maniac waving and laughing hysterically. The finale, oh yeah, there was something I was meant to be doing here, something I had spent the last month perfecting, oh well, fuck it, let’s just stand here and wave! The dancer who I stole the sparkler from was doing some kind of sexy dancing around me freaking me out. HAPPY NEW YEARS! I think dancer dude tried to kiss me. It turns out that he was the yoghurt girl goddess’ boyfriend. She always gave me dirty looks whenever I saw her after that.
A crowd of about 35 of us ran through town, on packed trains and trams, flying, floating, dancing, and laughing until we were at the beach. There were millions of billions of people everywhere. The beach hotel was holding some kind of fancy dress ball that we believed had been put on especially in our honour and we stood in amazement watching the procession of ludicrous creatures. Anuk, Becky and I snuck into the hotel to get a better look at these fantastic people that took our breath away, they seemed utterly unreal. There was an evil lady with a mask but I found a “magic” silver star which would protect me from all forces of evil. This star was much coveted amongst my fellow trippers, someone took it off me and I literally cried. Did they not understand how much I loved and needed that star? An older experienced acid head evidently did understand and restored my star for me; ah the world was put to rights.
We drank cheap beer, smoked dope; gate crashed parties, lost friends, found new ones, and ran around talking to anyone and everyone. I was wanging off my nut, tripping like I never had before and I fucking loved it, it was a lost it night and everyone felt euphoric and insane all running around like happy little drug fucked mutants. It was the funniest night of my life thus far and I utterly adored it.
We got home at around 5:30pm the next day. I was exhausted but every time I closed my eyes swirly, psychedelic patterns reminiscent of a kaleidoscope circled round and round perpetually, making my head spin. My mind wasn’t tired, my mind was all too alert but my body was maggoted and my eyes hurt so much from tiredness.
Of course, the aftermath of acid come downs can never be pretty. Nothing makes you feel like you are losing your mind as much as LSD, you can’t think and you suffer from extreme loss of memory and concentration span. Nonetheless, this was the first of many such nights. I had a love affair with acid until I was eighteen and finally realised that it was a dirty drug that took far too long to come down from and that if I kept taking it I would probably end up in a mental home
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