Bebo

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	Childlike Bride
	My childlike bride danced in moonlight on the sand as a needle’s kiss brought me to ecstasy. My eyes rolled back in bliss and she twirled around barefoot, her eyes aimed at stars she couldn’t see. She made herself dizzy, silly little girl. Innocent but. She fell down panting and laughing even before I shared. She had never known true happiness until I led her down my path and showed her the pretty colours and instant joy that I could give her with one touch, one needle prick, one pill slipped from my tongue to hers. She was a lovely little thing. Wife in name only. I found her one day. Lost and alone. Only 14. Kicked out with nowhere to go. So I took her with me. Looked after her. Gave her things that would make her happy. In the morning when the pains and shakes came, I fed her crisps and coke. Forced her to drink milk I stole from the doorsteps of strangers. I didn’t buy the drugs. I did favours. Got leftovers in return. Didn’t know what I was taking half the time. But I couldn’t live without it. Couldn’t live with evenings like this with my childlike bride. On her 15th birthday she took my name. Nothing legal like. She let me have her for the first time. On her 16th birthday I gave her a ring out of a brack. I saved it for three months after Halloween until it was her birthday. I put it on her finger and she stared at it like it was a diamond. I called her my childlike bride, my wife, my missus. So did everyone else. She wasn’t all there sometimes. She would do stupid things if you let her but she was mine. Sometimes she’d have to lay down with someone so that we got some leftovers. But it was worth it. Nights like this made it worth it. She wore a white dress that night and looked like an angel before me. I wondered why I was so lucky that I found her. She was skinny now. As if the tears had been filled with fat and not water. The tears when she lost the baby. I had laughed at her growing belly, told her she was getting fat. When she started to bleed right there on the street, I held her and wiped the sweat from her forehead with my sleeve. Somehow an ambulance appeared and took her away. I had to find her then. But the baby was gone. All gone. They told her she killed the baby. She didn’t understand that. I tried to tell them but the bitch in there told her it was her fault. It wasn’t her fault. Babies having babies, they said with a tut. My little bride didn’t even know a baby was growing in her belly. She wasn’t the same after that. Crying all the time. Annoying me. I had to lose her for a night just to get some peace. But she was a great girl. Tonight was the first time she’d been this happy in a long time. It was a great night. She ran to me and kissed me while I shared my instant joy with her. She lay there for a few seconds sighing and I thought she was going to start up again. Crying. Making it a downer for us both. But she didn’t. She jumped up and danced again. Swaying and running. Running and swaying. I sniggered at her and got up. I staggered away, unzipped my jeans and took a piss, marveling at how I could draw designs in the sand. I went back to her. But I couldn’t see her. It was dark but I could usually spot her a mile away. Doing something stupid. Once she walked around with no top on all evening. She didn’t even know why people stared at her. I thought it was funny until the copper came along and covered her up, interfering. He wanted to take her but she wouldn’t go. She stayed with me. I looked up and down the beach. It was empty, there was only silence. Except for her scream. I saw her then. In the sea. Her white dress stuck to her and waves covering her head. She must have wandered too far. She couldn’t swim. Neither could I. She wasn’t that far out but she had that wild look on her face that said she was in a panic and couldn’t think. I turned my back, not wanting to see her face. Rummaging in the jacket she left on the ground, I found half a joint. I looked out at her once more, her arms in the air waving for help. I said goodbye to my childlike bride, lit the joint and walked away.
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