Bebo

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	Frozen
	I left the club early that night, waving goodbye to my friends and their cocktail induced giggles at every male that passed by their table. They barely even noticed me leaving. I walked quickly down the busy street, keeping my head down. Inevitably, it wasn’t long before a group of drunken lads passed me by, pushing each other into me amidst raucous laughter. One voice commanded them to stop. One voice in the night became my hero. An unknown arm wrapped around my shoulder and led me away from the group. I glanced at him to see a beautiful man. Just beautiful. I followed him willingly, how could I not trust those honest green eyes that smiled down at me from an angel’s face? We strolled down the street together and my eyes barely left his face. He smiled at me, I smiled back. He chatted easily to me, charmed me and I prayed that he would ask me out, give me his phone number, anything so he wouldn’t walk away. He was a man I could fall for. My hopes were raised as he gave me a cheeky grin and led me down a dark side street. I didn’t say a word but held his hand as tightly as he held mine. He maneuvered me against a wall and brushed my hair back from my face, his fingers gentle as a mother’s touch. I smiled at him even as he raised his other hand in a fist. I didn’t even feel the punch, it was that shocking. It wasn’t until later when the blood wouldn’t stop that I even realized my nose was broken. As it was, I struggled to breathe, I gasped in shaky breaths and leant against the wall in horror and surprise as he hit me again. Dizzy, I tried to run but he caught me easily and slammed me against the wall, his hand to my throat, choking me. He told me he wouldn’t hurt me if I stayed silent. I gave a shaky nod in reply and he kissed my neck before grabbing a chunk of my hair and smacking my head against the wall. The pain didn’t have time to register because he pulled me to the ground, tripping me with his foot to make it easy for him. I saw it in slow motion then, like it wasn’t happening to me but someone else. Some other poor fool. He knelt over me and lifted my skirt. I sprang to life then as the realization hit me of what was really happening. I turned and struggled to my feet but he grabbed my hips and pulled me back down, scraping my knees on the concrete. He laid me on my back and leaned heavily on me staring right into my eyes, soaking up my fear as warm trickles of blood flowed from my nose, down my cheek and pooled into my ear. For a couple of minutes he did this as I trembled beneath him, unable to move, unable to speak and I began to wonder if it was some kind of sick joke, if he changed his mind, if somehow it was over. But he grinned at me, a lustful, evil, sly grin that scared my soul. He got up off me and I took the chance to get up and run. I managed to get a few feet away before he caught me. This time he wrapped his arm around my throat and pushed me onto my belly. I tried to roll and hit out at him but struggling made him dig his knee into my back and flatten his palm against my face, grinding my cheek into the ground. I gave up. I never thought I would but when it happens…it’s easier to blank it out if you stay still, pick a point on the wall, pray it will be over as quickly as possible. My very soul frozen in time. He pulled up my skirt and ripped my underwear with one hand making it cut into my flesh. I didn’t even wince. I concentrated on the smell of vomit and urine on the ground. I heaved as he lifted my hips and forced himself into me. I whimpered in pain as he pushed my face into the ground and slammed his body against mine. Over and over. It felt like it would never end. I was nothing, less than nothing. I couldn’t even cry. All I did was wonder why me. Why did he have to pick me for this? Why this? I would have had him if he asked. He didn’t have to force me. He didn’t have to hurt me for it. It felt like it lasted forever, as if time froze and only his body and my mind were unaffected. For I knew exactly what was going on but my body couldn’t react to it. I lay there as if frozen, my spirit broken and the light dimming in my eyes. I prayed for death until he finished. Then I felt like I was dead. When it was over, he rolled me onto my back and made me look at him. He sneered at me like I was nothing. He was right. I was nothing. Nothing to him. Just a…thing. To be used and abused. The smile vanished from my heart. Never to love, never to be loved. Everything changed. I couldn’t even tell anyone what happened. I went to a doctor when the pain became too much and told him I had been mugged. He didn’t believe me but he gave me something for the broken ribs. I couldn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of anyone knowing what he had done to me. So I never told. I stayed silent. Always silent. Always cold. Always with a frozen heart. He kicked me as he walked away. Not hard, more out of contempt than anything else. Just to let me know what he thought of me. How easily he had taken everything away from me. How quickly he would forget me after that night even though I would never forget, not even for a second. That took the last bit of light out of my eyes. Funny then, how nine months later his daughter was the one who managed to make the light of life flicker in my eyes once again.
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