|1.||Fruit - Short Story||See below|
|Fruit - Short Story|
|In a small suburb in the depths of Australia, lived a young, beautiful girl and her billionaire father. The girls name was Orange Apple and she got everything she wanted from her father who worked for the labour party as their pizza delivery man (don’t ask me how he earned so much money from that occupation, because I’m not sure. The only assumption I can make is that he was a very good pizza delivery man).|
Ever since Orange’s mother died after being mauled by angry chickens at KFC, her father became lonely and also addicted to drugs and alcohol. He longed for a wife, unlike the last one, a wife that he didn’t have to pay $5.00 in Las Vegas for. That was when he met Arnold and fell in love with him, but later he was to die in a tragic accident when his moped collided with a truck. After his father became straight again and married his sister, who had two hideously ugly daughters from Jupiter, called Elmo and Lala, who treated Orange very badly, calling her Fruit instead of her real name and also saying that she was a brat. Her step-mother did nothing to prevent this, she called it “character building” and her father was too busy delivering pizzas to get into all the affairs in his household.
After John Howard became prime minister again, the labour party blamed Orange’s father, saying that he delivered the pizzas badly therefore creating their downfall. After he was fired he committed suicide leaving poor Orange, or Fruit (as everyone was now forced to call her, even me), to be bossed around by her Step-mother.
She had to cook and clean and do all house-hold jobs for them, but since she wasn’t used to it, she did a half-arsed job such as; sweeping the dust under the rug, dumping all the plates that have been used in the garbage bin and when it came to making coffee she just poured hot water in the mug and then added coffee beans. Little did she know that she was allowed to use the vacuum cleaner, dishwasher and the coffee maker.
One day, in the next year, Elmo and Lala got the new Dolly magazine which had an invitation to a party included in it that made them absolutely freak out, Pete Wentz, the hottest guy on this planet, had dumped Ashlee Simpson and was now looking for a new girlfriend, from Australia, in August!
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Lala screamed.
!” Elmo shrieked.
“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” They yelled together, jumping up and down on the rug that Fruit always swept dust under. A year’s worth of dust came billowing up and covering their faces in soot.
“What is the matter my dears, did Fruit hurt you?” Her step-mother said, looking up from her newspaper with narrow eyes towards Fruit, who was curled up reading old magazines by the fire place.
“P-P-Pete W-Wentz, is h-having a-a p-party t-to-“ Began Elmo.
“-To find a new girlfriend, can we go mum?!” Finished Lala.
“Of course you can. After all, I have always wanted you both to have totally hot, talented and powerful boyfriends,” Fruit’s step-mother said.
“Can I go?” Asked Fruit.
“Of course you can’t go, why would I let you?” Answered her step-mother.
“Because, I asked.”
“How dare you talk back to me numerous times like that?!” Her step-mother screamed and slapped Fruit across the face hard.
Of course the civil and just thing to do would have been to have been to take it, but Fruit was neither civil nor just. So that night, after everyone had gone to sleep, Fruit crept downstairs and dialled the number for the kid’s helpline. She said that her step-mother had not only abused her verbally, but also sexually and said that her step-sisters attempted murder on her. She held back sniggers as she told them her address and then when the conversation had finally ended she put the phone down and waited until she heard a knock on her door. It was the police.
She cackled maliciously before she had to put her sweet, innocent face on for the cops. That night after talking viciously with her step-mother before finally cuffing her and her daughters and took her away to the police station.
In July there was a court case held and her step-mother was convicted of three counts of sexual assault and five counts of child abuse. Then her two step-sisters were taken to Juvenile Hall for attempted murder. It was the happiest day of her life.
She went to live with her closest relative, her Great Aunt May who was the nicest person ever; she baked her cookies and cooked her favourite food because of what she had been through.
The day when Pete Wentz was holding his get-together, Fruit’s Great Aunt May was inflicted with amnesia after she was hit by a train. No-one was there to take her to the dance and she was stuck outside because she had forgotten her keys.
She was crying on the doorstep when Carson Kressley’s car broke down in front of her house. As she was an excellent mechanic she fixed it in no time and as a fee for the work that she had done she asked for a ride in his limo to the dance and some clothes. He pimped her out with awesome gear and then they rode off to the party in the exquisite sunset.
When she got there she partied until sunrise and late into the day, flirting with Pete as much as possible. That day she went home, not in the least displeased at how she went. She thought she was a shoe in to be his girlfriend, but just as she thought about him a new thought had sprung into her head; where did she leave her phone?!
She searched the whole house wondering whether or not, since she stumbled in drunk, she left it somewhere lying around. But it was nowhere to be seen. Then she knew she left it at the party, but she couldn’t get back up to where she went last night and she hated hitching rides with strangers (unless, of course they were celebrities). So she just had to forget about it, well that was until the Pete Wentz himself was talking to her on her home phone, telling her that she had forgotten her phone at the bar and that he was going to bring it to her house straight away. Fruit was ecstatic.
There was a knock on the door and she knew straight away that it was him. She opened up and he entered quietly.
“Urm…here,” he said quickly edging to the door.
“Why are you leaving so soon?” She asked quizzically. “I mean don’t you want to ask me to be your girlfriend?”
"You. Be MY girlfriend!" He roared.
"Well yeah... I mean I'm totally hot..." Fruit said innocently, fluttering her eyelashes.
"Sorry, but I don't usually go for your type," he said, disgusted.
"And what IS my type?!" Fruit said, obviously taken aback.
"You know the try hard, spoilt, monkey resembling type," he laughed.
And she slammed the door in his face and cried all night.
2 YEARS LATER
After Pete marries Ashlee Simpson, Fruit becomes a nun, but gets kicked out of the convent when the head nun found out she was still obsessed with Pete Wentz. Shortly after Ashlee is found dead in her house, blood everywhere, and a bumper sticker saying "Eat Your Greens".
(You’re not disappointed are you? Happy endings are so overrated).
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