|1.||Prologue - The Man Who Changed It All||Read it Now|
|2.||Ted||Read it Now|
|3.||An Invitation to Outer Space||See below|
|4.||A Worthy Boat||Read it Now|
|5.||An Unexpected Stop||Read it Now|
|6.||Trip, Stumble and Crunch!||Read it Now|
|7.||Hungover, Ted?||Read it Now|
|8.||A Really Cold Place||Read it Now|
|9.||Beneath a Steel Sky||Read it Now|
|10.||The Forest of Spiders||Read it Now|
|11.||Sexy Pages||Read it Now|
|An Invitation to Outer Space|
I would use the world damp to describe Follound, but I'm not an idiot. Follound is a land that sunk below water thousands of years ago and now exists as a metropolis of ships, boats and rafts for the gypsies.
The people of Follound don't have gills and can't breath underwater so the makers of Waterworld can't do shit. Instead they can read about the inhabitants of Follound and how they have no special beneficial powers, just an unhealthy obsession with pomegranates. In fact, they're so obsessed with them that money has no value, and the fruit itself is used as currency. So if Ted were to come by here with his 1000 gold pieces then he would find himself crushed by a thousand pomegranates. (The rates are 1 pound to 1 pomegranates at the time of writing).
Next to the Follound bureau de change is the king's floating palace. Well that's what he calls it, it's really just a normal boat except on Fridays, which is drag day, when it becomes a sex palace.
In this boat lived a little blind servant boy called Mickey who had no relation to any mice and spent his days cleaning up chicken bones and eating rats - not because he had to he was just a strange character. But Mickey didn't mind this, he just lived his life humbly without a care in the world - apart from the servant girl Beverly, whom he loved colossally, but I'm the author and I hate romance, so she died in a train crash. Or boat crash even.
Back to the matter at hand.
One day Mickey received a letter. Luckily for him it was written in Braille and he read it fluently, apart from one sentence which was actually where the letter's author had sneezed while eating a packet of Millions. The rest of the letter made perfect sense and read :
"To the king of Follound, whom I don't know the name of because Martin ceased to describe you,
I formally invite you to join us on our epic adventure into space where we will be traveling around the great void luxuriously, checking out spacey-stuff and that. Get back to me soon and bring your Royal Ring with you to prove your identity as (wink) I haven't actually seen you (wink).
Love Peter Thornberry.
P.S. stop reading this Mickey. And I really need to stop writing in Braille."
Mickey sat up excitedly with a great big smile. Jackpot. He knew where the king kept his ring. it was in The Great Big Royal Cabinet of the King's Shiny Stuff which Mickey had the key so he could clean it frequently.
And so he wasted no time, taking the Royal Ring and a few more Royal Shiny Things to cut about with so he looked the biz - a sceptre, a cape and a crown - which actually turned out to be a long light bulb, a jumper and a toilet seat - Mickey had went into the wrong cupboard but luckily someone had (wink) misplaced the ring earlier on (wink).
And so Mickey left, his head raised high and his light bulb higher, leaving the watery land in a graceful and cocky manner. That is, of course, after he had been rescued from the water as he hadn't actually ever left the king's boat before and was surprised to discover that the ground doesn't actually constantly rock.
So after being saved by a strong and handsome swimmer, Mickey was lead to the shore and left on his quest to find this so called Peter, with a hell of a swagger, and a little less graceful and arrogant than before.
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