|1.||An introduction||Read it Now|
|2.||Once bitten...||Read it Now|
|3.||‘Here's Looking at you kid’||Read it Now|
|4.||Come between two couches...(unedited)||See below|
|5.||IN sickness and health||Read it Now|
|6.||With friends like that..||Read it Now|
|7.||Genuine ass(extract unedited)||Read it Now|
|8.||nobodies perfect, but someones too perfect||Read it Now|
|10.||Regrets....ive had a few, heres one i mention||Read it Now|
|11.||the girl who inspired the book...||Read it Now|
|12.||conclusion?||Read it Now|
|Come between two couches...(unedited)|
|Caught between two cushions.|
So with my newfound love actionness,from the life altering last chapter, my next female to stand out was Rachel. I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone from my hometown, a rule that is unlikely to be broken. Anyway she was from a local town close by, and she was in Galway and I was repeating the leaving. Having not succeeded in getting physical education on the first time, though getting the same course as my brother, but didn’t want to be in the same college as him.
So I used to make frequent trips to the Galway College for 18th birthdays. But actually it all started in the hometown.
I don’t remember the particulars, but we were playing some game where you had to lick you opponent without them noticing. Fairly hard you think, but I sure there was a lot of drink involved. Anyway we were participating in the game, which was just a mess with guys licking girls, girls licking guys and guys licking guys. Anyway, the crowd went out dancing, which was strange for the time, as there was about 10 of us, and it was just her and me. I started to lick the side of her face and she did the same to me. Then I licked her cleft of her breasts. Just looked at her then just kissed her. Perhaps my first kiss out of pure in the moment.
Of course then the group comes back and I shit you not, they start judging me, like ‘his rhythm is all off’, she’s sucking the face off him’. Then they started sitting on my lap and going ‘Rachel and Hugh, I mean this isn’t right, you’re both my friends, you cant be together’. To which I replied ‘thanks for the mood killer guys’. And then went back to work.
We are on the bus home, and then I have another first, a woman sitting on my crotch when I’m kissing her, and I’m wearing tightish trousers. This caused great pain in the groinal area as you can imagine. She invited me to come up to Macca’s house as there was noone at his gaff, but I said no, partly cause I was in pain and partly coz I was bored, couldn’t see it going any further. I knew if the roles were reversed and it was my house Macca and Rachel were in, I would definitely not want then getting it on, on my couch.
So time past and coz she was in Galway and I was studying again for the leaving, we didn’t text each other so defo not seeing each other. Then I went on an impromptu trip to Galway and arrived at their house. There were only 3 in their house of normally 8. We decided to go out to Cuba. I go to my best mate, don’t leave me alone with her, which to his credit he does quite well until he has to go for a piss. Of course as soon as he goes, I try it on with her, purely to end the silence and then we head home. I’m thinking yeah I’m in.
We are back in their gaff, where she shares with one of the other guys. Shit. Maybe this isn’t meant to be. So we make out on the couch. Then she says shell move the couches together to make a bed. Delighted I’m thinking. I’m so in you cant see me any more. So we make out some more and she works away at my neck and lips, which hurt a small bit but I was delighted to be there. Then it happened. One of my best acts as a body, no matter what time of day or night it is, when I’m about to ejaculate, my body tells me so with about 8 seconds notice. So we are making out as the say in the states and then I get the feeling. Now, of course in my mind I’m thinking oh shit, the sub conscience acts and moves my body down and manoeuvre my crotch in between the two couches, to calmly shoot off my load, al the while I’m kissing he exposed bellybutton in a sexual manner, i.e. I haven’t a clue. Once I’m done, I move up and give it about 5 more minutes then I fall asleep. Of course I would have on lie the blanket we use is quite dusty and I start to sneeze and wheeze in an allergic reaction. I’m all blocked up and snotty and I head to the bathroom to look for tissue paper and I have a quick glance in the mirror. ‘Fucking hell’, I shout loudly, this is in reaction to the fat lip and multiple bruises I have on my lips and neck. This woman was some sort of massicust, or else I bruise easily, but that’s hardly true as I'm a rugby player. And I haven’t got many bruises from that. Yeah she’s a sicko. So I compose myself in the bathroom and then just lie beside her and fall asleep, with the sheet in question having left the building. Not being able to sleep after what id saw I depicted a plan to leave early in the morning, I left at 8.00, citing that I needed to go to a class at 3 later that day. Which is a lie, as I didn’t go to many classes when I repeated. And so began my ritual of leaving women I had spent the night with, sexual or not, before the before the 9.10 mark. I say 9.10, as I had to wait one time until a fellow housemate of another female, whom I knew, was heading to work at that time.
Hotiness: 2/5, she was blond, but was into weird things, in hindsight I should have known she was a bloodsucker.
Likelihood of reunion: we meet sometimes, no spark though. Last heard she was travelling around Eastern Europe, coincidently that’s where Dracula’s castle is in…. not saying a word.
Cds/ son/dvds to remind her by: Come On Eileen, 80’s combo, could buy song alone. I presume Eileen is a couch…obviously.
Lessons learned: my first encounter with premature ejaculation, I have a feeling it wont be the last, as I hear it happens to all guys. Also never trust women who wear Indie clothes, and look gothish. They are not kinky at all.
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