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Trexx and Flipside <trexxandflipside>

"This Is Jam Hot"

	Flipside's Agony Express	479 dni temu
	Yo! What's good, fans o' the Flip? This week we've had our emotions put through the ringer, and I thought what with all the whack things that have happened to us over the last few weeks, I might be able to put our experience to good use, helping you with whack things that are happening to you. So prepare yourselves for the sickest thing in Agony Aunts since Trisha drank Mexican tap water on a rollercoaster during a bout of gastric flu. It's... FLIPSIDE'S AGONY EXPRESS Dear Flipside, I'm worried my girlfriend doesn't understand me. I work hard as a violent rapper and it's my birthday coming up, but whenever I lay subtle hints that I REALLY WANT 18” SPINDERELLA RIMS for my big present, she only looks a little bit like she's going to get them. Please help me, or I'll get my bodyguard to kill you. Concerned, Penthouse *Dear Concerned, this is a common situation, violent rappers are always threatening to kill me and it nearly always ends in failure and humiliation. Instead of threatening to kill me, why not leave the music industry and move to the other side of the world? Just before you leave, find two upcoming stars who are more deserving of your success, then give them all your money and fame. This is the only way to true happiness. Alternatively, your girlfriend can get Spinderella rims from “Clinton's Unda Da Rims” c/o Dr Chicken. Dear Flipside, I am a young fatherless schoolboy who is caught up in a life of petty wheel-accessory crime, but an inspirational hip hop double act has started to play at our school. I've become mates with one of them and he's told me to give up the crimes. The problem is that my crime boss overlord urgently wants me to steal a set of 18” Spinderellas. What should I do? I wish you were my dad. Confused, St Salive *Okay. Let's get one thing clear – I ain't ready to be no-one's dad just now. I even have issues being an agony aunt, and that's just a figure of speech. However, the important thing to remember is that inspirational hip hop double acts are always right and you should do whatever they say. And buy their records. And tell all your friends. And take over a record label so you can sign them. Dear Flipside, I am an attractive blonde school teacher but I just can't seem to find a man to father children in my womb. Sorry. I mean “a boyfriend”. No strings – just a boyfriend. My latest baby-daddy – I mean inseminator – sorry, “boyfriend” - seems like he might be scared by my constant demands for sex. The thing is, I can't really hear what he says because of the loud ticking of my body clock. I think I might be coming between him and his hip hop co-star. Do you think I am? Should that bother me? Can you hear that noise? TICK TOCK TICK TOCK... What is that? I'm not desperate. I just want to gestate something in my belly. I mean, “have fun and friendship with no commitment”. Help me. Desperate, St Salive *Dear Miss Olsen, you are definitely coming between your boyfriend and his ultra talented hip hop co-star – but don't despair, there are many ways to work through this problem. The first thing you should do is butt-out. If that doesn't work, you could try slinging your hook, or taking a hike. Failing that, there are many self-help books on the market with clear instructions on how to get bent. In extreme circumstances, why not try dating my manager? You probably deserve each other. Dear Flipside, I run an unlikely wheel-rim-based crime syndicate from a chicken diner. Unfortunately an internet hip hop agony aunt has advised my best rim thief to give up his life of crime, and now a violent rapper's girlfriend is going to kill me because I can't get the 18” Spinderellas she ordered. Please help me. This is all your fault. Worried, Dr Chicken *No time to answer that one... What else have we got...? Dear Flipside, There's an insane school teacher in my office demanding my genetic material. She says you sent her. No problem. Just wanted to say thanks. Excited, Wu-Hah *Sweet. It looks like everything's worked out just fine. See ya next time! Dear Flipside, Seriously you gotta help me out with these rims. Flip...? Flipside...? They're coming. I can hear them outside the diner... Flipside...? Flipside! Help me... No! Not the face! Aaaargh! Worried, Dr Chicken
	opublikowane przez Trexx and Flipside