Bebo

unravelling emotions <unravelling-emotions>

	17o8o8; 2233	488 días hace
	"Guess you never really notice what you got until you finally realise she could be gone..." Jesse McCartney - That Was Then I constantly feel anger and frustration building up from within me. I constantly feel my hands forming the shape of unwanted fists, but I'm never really able to punch my frustrations upon that wall standing over there. What if I hurt it? What if I hurt myself? It's something that I can't bring myself to do. And what if people cast an unwanted stereotype upon my unspoken name because they realise how incapable I am? What if they find out? What if they don't understand it like she might've? Self control; it's what's separating my pride from my insecruties. My head is so all over the place. My mind is here, but my heart's way over there. I don't really know what I want, because what I want isn't what everybody thinks I need. They disapprove. They disagree with the idea altogether. It's so frustrating to want something so much that my heart breaks over and over again, yet still be wise enough to know that it'd be no good for me and my fragile state of mind. I can't understand any of it. Is it wisdom, or pure pride in the making? I just don't get it. Nobody knows, but sometimes I just want to scream out in the middle of the street, "Hey! I really miss you!" and hope you might hear me somehow. But common sense forbids me from the rather public embarassment. Sometimes, I want to call your mobile just to hear your voice say hello; just to know that you're still out there somewhere. But every time I go looking for your number, I realise that I've deleted it. I've completely erased it. So I get through the rest of the day, trying so hard to remember that number that once had your name. Then I remember that I still have all your text messages. Reading them, I try so hard not to cry, especially when I come by that text that read, "Hey, nothing ever stays the same. i'd give you a hug but you're so far away. hope you feel better soon. love you heaps." and that one that says, "i love you baby just remember that." I do remember it, I do. Question is, do you? But I guess what's worse is that sometimes, I want to catch a train to where you are, just so I can walk down your street, on the other side of the road, so that my memories won't fade away. There are so many things I would do, but can't because I restrict myself from looking like the weaker one. Two o'clock in the morning and I'm still awake. The only thing to run through my mind is, "Is she okay? Does she still cry herself to sleep? Can she even sleep at night? How's her Mother? How's her family? How's everything been going? Will she ever let me back into her life again? Are we ever going to accidentally meet just like the other day?" Three o'clock, and I'm still thinking. Teardrops have already started forming in my eyes, but they never find the time to fall. I replay the same events of that day over and over again with a different ending each time. What if I had waved? What if I had said hello? What if I had introduced myself like a total stranger? What if we just started all over again? But what ifs are only what ifs... I can only imagine what you'd do, if I were to put my hand out and say, "Hi, I'm Linh. What's your name?" I can only use what you've told me and say that your heart would probably break at the insignificance of your name in the tone of my voice. But that's only what I want to happen. I want you to feel what I do. I want you to break apart, to regret the fact that I'm not there anymore. I want you to feel what I have to feel every day of my living life, because that's what you deserve. But that's mean and selfish for me to say. That's inappropriate, and although I sometimes wish that upon you, I can't bring myself to hate you anymore. You deserve so much more than what this life has given to you. You deserve so much more. Thirteen days until I turn sixteen. Thirteen days before I turn another year older. What's sad is that I'll be thinking of you. My heart will be breaking on my birthday, because I got to see you last year, but I don't even know you now. I'll sit by the phone, longing for a text. I'll sit by the phone, longing for a call. I'll check my empty inbox every thirty seconds or so, just to see if you remember. But that's just me being stupid. Me trying to get through yet another day without you. </3 Linh PS. The wounds have healed, but they've left behind a scar. We've run out of one last chances, but I haven't run out of hope. Come back now; come back tomorrow, the day after or even a year from now, and everything'll still be okay. Just say that you won't leave again, but don't promise it. "I watch you walk away, I didn't say the words I wanted to say. Now I'm sitting all alone, Thinking about the times I had you here to hold. Giving you my reason why, I feel this when we say goodbye. But I won't run around after you And you know what you found And you know im in love with you Everything changes when I see your smile So stay a little while. I miss you even more today Knowing that youre so far way" The Veronicas - Stay
	escrito por unravelling emotions