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Quinntan <Quinntan>

"I'll ramble on, singing my song!"

	Halo	655 dni temu
	“Is there a pause button?” ~ Oscar Wilde on Halo “In Soviet Russia, Jesus plays You!” ~ Russian Reversal on Halo Halo is arguably the greatest game on the planet, yes it is! But the actual components of the game are shrouded in mystery, but I found them yesterday on top of my phonebook. The majority of gameplay revolves around defeating a group who calls themselves the Covenant. They are based on the covenant that God made with chuck norris and brad pitt after the invention of Indian Peoples' Accents, with the promise that he would never create such a usefull corn distribution system again. Using the control stick, players move their characters around looking for sinners, like baby rapists, methodists, and people that enjoy good jazz music. When they do find the sinners, they have one of two options. The first is to perform a series of "good deeds" to help deal with the sins. For example, if the players see a man listening to jazz music, he can sit down and talk to the man to try to help him understand why what he is doing is wrong, and show him how all the answers he needs can be found in the Bibleor the game manual. The person is converted when he decides to dedicate his soul to organized religion. The second option is to simply stone the sinners to death using the A button (Note: can only be done when the player is not sinning e.g. Godmodeing). The Wii version was remade to include a Realstone option, and this is activated by swinging the controller to throw rocks at the sinner. The Pees also has a remake that enables you to to charge up and call on the power of god to drop rocks at random locations. Points are then awarded for how quickly the player can kill the sinner. When the person finally dies, a little icon appears showing their soul's being tortured in the fires of Hell. As the plot progresses, the player receive either Halo points from Jesus for redeeming sinners or Demon points from Satan for pwning their heathen asses instead. At the end of the game, four angels, known as the Four Runners come to take the player to purgatory. If the player has amassed enough Halo points, they go to heaven. If not, they go to hell. If sent to hell, the game's programming will be altered to become DDR: Sonny and Cher's greatest hits, or alternatively, the sound of balloons being rubbed against a very angry pig. The latter is considered the more pleasant of the two. [edit] Sequels RYEE has announced that a sequel, "Halo 2: Combat Intelligently Designed" will be released for players who were sent to hell and want to stop dancing to the catchy beat of pig-rubbing and Sonny and Cher, also "Halo 3: Combat Quite Clever". Even less information is known about "Halo 2: Combat Intelligently Designed" except the basic plot which consists of Satan feeling sorry for roasting the player in a Sonny and Cher-composed hell and decides to release the player, under the condition that he will serve Satan in spreading his heathen ideas on evolution for all eternity. "Halo 3: Combat Quite Clever" has not been thought through yet, just like the other two games. Legendary Edition The Legendary Edition of Halo was released for people who believed that if they spent more on the packaging of the game, they were superior (in the eyes of the Lord). The main problem that gamers had was that the the much publicized 'Legendary Helmet' was no more than a crown of thorns made of some sticks and grass. Then you got put on a cross Muslim Version The main difference in the Muslim version is the slightly different storyline. It begins with Osama bin Laden entering in a contact with Jihadists called the Covenant (members of God's warriors). These terrorists are now attempting to destroy all of the people that believe that some suicidal Jew that nailed himself to a tree will save them (instead of our dear Bubba Praise be Upon Him). The entire game, you spend either attempting to blow up as many of these Infidels as possible by several different methods (including RPGs and suicide tactics) or by gathering materials to build a nuclear weapon (to kill all the Infidels at once). If one picks the first method, they are granted an entire country to use at their disposal to kill as many Christians as possible, and the game more resembles Final Fantasy Tactics. However if you pick the second option, you control only one person, the president of a randomly selected Arab country. The entire game is based around gathering as much uranium as possible while distracting the U.S. through foreign politics. No matter which one you choose, the game is over when all your countrymen die, and if you killed at least one Christian, you go to Muslim heaven (72 virgins not included in regular box set). When Halo: Jihad version was first released, the shipping trucks in front of stores were guarded by heavily armed Homeland Security S.W.A.T teams. As the delivery men were unloading, they were stormed by Muslims dressed up as Master Chief Muhammad (the protagonist in Halo: Jihad) and Covenant Elitists (a.k.a. Christians; see above) with paint-ball guns. They were all shot on site and killed by the members of S.W.A.T. One deserter, a fat Muslim dressed as a Brute(a name in the game given to Jews) proceed to run as soon as the first shot rang out. However, as he was running away, witnesses claim an unidentified soldier shot him from a distance and cried out, "BOOM HEADSHOT BITCH!" Reportedly another solider was spottes yelling: "Killing Spree!", as no less then 5 men fell to the floor. At the same time, a light came down from the heavens and a deep booming voice shouted: "Killimanjaro Kills!" Please note that due to legal reasons if you don't enjoy this game you WILL be shot. By Jesus.
	opublikowane przez Quinntan