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"Half The People You Know Are Below Average."

	Oh Fuck. These Are Funny.	249 weeks ago
	Germany's Black forest sign: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service. Istanbul hotel corridor sign: Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises. Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. Japanese information booklet about a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of war in your room, please control yourself. Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this notice. Moscow hotel lobby across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. Thailand: an ad for donkey rides asked Would you like to ride on your own ass?. Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts. He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands. Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have crappy time. Texas law makes it illegal for a woman to own more than six sex toys. Americans spend more money on peep shows and strip clubs then all forms of legitimate theater, Broadway, classical music, opera, and jazz combined. Wyoming?s Grand Tetons mountain range literally means ?Big Tits? About 1% of the adult female population are able to achieve orgasm solely through breast stimulation. Fact of life: Women who went to college are more likely than high school dropouts to enjoy both the giving and receiving of oral sex. You guys line up alphabetically by height." - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson, football coach "The internet is a great way to get on the net." - Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears, Pop Singer "We're going to move left and right at the same time." - Jerry Brown, Governor of California "I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad." - Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." - Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery Crazy is a relative term in my family! "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to." Procrastinate now, don't put it off. At least I can still smoke in my car Caution, Blind Man Driving. "Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make." All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day! "To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan "No BLOOD no foul." "Life's an Ocean, Sail It" "We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you! I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. Half the people you know are below average. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film! 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. OK, so what's the speed of dark? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. I intend to live forever -- so far, so good. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards (hillbillies) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. The only reason I am always listening to music is to drownd out the sound of your voice!~ Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents. "Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming." "don't drink and drive you might spill your beer" If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs. I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life. "Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road." I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last Silence is silver, but music is gold... Lifes Tough, get a helmet! loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty! "I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay." Constipated People Don't Give A crap. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. The Earth Is Full - Go Home. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away? Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway. Illiterate? Write For Help Honk If Anything Falls Off. Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit. You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now! I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To. Fight Crime: Shoot Back! Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph. Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut? Ax Me About Ebonics. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel. Boldly Going Nowhere. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost? GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A BLONDE. "POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON" "i'm not tailgating, i'm keeping up with the pace car" Roadhead cures Roadrage... Tell your girlfriend I said thanks " WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless. " normal people worry me you say physco like it's a bad thing those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do This delinquent is having sex with your honor student. Save the environment...plant a Bush back in Texas. don't regret doing things, regret getting caught None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all "my tears for you are like dark chocolate- bitter sweet and probably no good for me." everyone in life has a purpose, even if its to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE Anger is one letter short of danger. "Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license." "Solutions are not the answer." - Richard Nixon, former U.S. President "Permitted vehicles not allowed." - Road sign on US 27 "A bachelor's life is no life for a single man." - Samuel Goldwyn "SAFETY FIRST: Please put on your seat belt - prepare for accident." - Sign on backseat of Taxi "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." - Terry Venables "It is white." ~ George W. Bush after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001 Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students. - Robin Williams Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush lol. cbfd typing more xD
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