Bebo

Equinox Mike <MikeBeehan>

"MSN= Mike-Beehan2433@hotmail.com"

	Drinkers Guide	247 weeks ago
	SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear... FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him/her. SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone, don't even recognise the room you're in. FAULT: Don't panic - you've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they've any free pints anyhow. SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays". SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You've fallen over backwards. ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror. SYMPTOM: Floor blurry. FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out. ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed, have yez no homes to go to ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home. SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures. FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION: Cover mouth. SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on a table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though. FAULT: You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: That lager is too weak. ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to song. FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar. SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights. FAULT: Insufficient beer intake. ACTION: Up dosage immediately. SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt. FAULT: You've been walking into things. ACTION: Maintain dosage. SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands. FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts. ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist. SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around. FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride. ACTION: It's too late, you made complete arsehole of self
	posted by Equinox Mike

1 Comment:

	Imperfect Perfection said...	8/19/08
	that's cool, and so true =]
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