Bebo

Paul Carr <paulcarr2005>

	Dear Mother (Part 2)	820 jours il y a
	It has occurred to me that in my previous letter to you,mother, I've been far far too light on you. I have this problem,I think. I'm too too timid. With you, is no exception. First of all, I want to make clear to you. My sex blogs are still up and running!!. Oh, yes, I haven't given up on those. The only thing is I have removed the links to them from my europeanpaulcarr msn space which I believe you have visited, Mother. (*) I removed those links because a few months ago, msn spaces, in their collective wisdom (in other words, they received complaints) deleted my space and when I enquired why later they told me that the links to my sexy blogs were unacceptable. So, I removed them after I promised I would do so. They had reactivated my blog. I haven't updated my sex blogs in a while, yes, not since the beginning of July but I have every intention to do so, Mum. And, this brings me onto another thing. Your War on me. Ever since you've been barging into my apartment and my life (see my previous post), you have insisted on purusing through my things, reading my private letters, invading my privacy in all sorts of unacceptable ways, ever since you discovered that letter of dismissal from that boss in the English language school in Dublin, you have been relentlessly attacking me because of the sex blogs, the keeping of which was part of the reason that boss fired me from that job in January 2006. You won't let up. You should. Because, every time, you criticise me, Mum, I'll respond by freezing you out. Right now, you're frozen out of my life until about the 18 of October. [sighs]. Your last outburst really took me by surprise. For those of you reading this blog, what I mean by "frozen out" is that I'm not taking her phone calls, not reading her e-mails and so on. But, to be honest, I think 2 months is too too generous, in other words, too bloody short. Oh, and I checked my mastercard account and I've discovered that you are STILL putting money into my account despite the fact that I told you during our last telephone conversation around the 18th of August, not to do that. I told you that you didn't have my permission to do that, don't do that, et cetera, et cetera. But, you do anyway. Why? Because, Mum, you don't listen to me and you never will. Stop putting money into my account , Mum. Give the money to charity, like you say, or give it to your other son and/or daughter. As I told you during our telephone conversation last time, I can look after myself and, really, Mummy Dear, the only reason why you give me money is so that you can abuse me later. So,really, I have to say to you, No, No, No, I don't want your money, Mother, I don't want your abuse. I asked you a question during our last phone conversation. I asked you had I asked you for money at all this year and you answered, no I hadn't. Yes, mother, No I hadn't. So,stop, stop, stop, giving me money. Okay... [sighs]. Because, if you continue to do so (and I've noticed you put more money into my mastercard account as recently as the 22nd of August), I may have to extend your freeze out by another 2 months. That's right, Mum. I won't talk to you until after the 18th of December this year. Do you want that? [sighs]. What else? Oh, yeah, probably the most deflating thing you said to me was you were scared of me. You said, "I'm scared of you.". My question is why? I haven't asked you for money this year. I'm nearly on the other side of the world. But, you know, Mum, I respect your right and valid and honest feelings of being scared of me. My question to you is, is 2 months freeze-out kind? Why should I talk to you ever again, Mum?. Since, you're scared of me, it defies logic for me to pick up the phone and talk to you anymore. It defies logic for me to ever return to Ireland and visit you. It defies logic to allow you to visit me in China in 2008 or anytime after. You dug this hole yourself, Mum. Why should I continue to embark on a guilt trip anymore just for your sake? I didn't even ring you once this year (thanks, no doubt, to an accumulation of such deflating and discouraging remarks.). You always rang me. Okay, what else to write about. Okay, let me move onto the touchy issue of depression. Depression is a topic I intend to do further research on. Your brother, mother, committed suicide in 1989, I recall, because of his depression, a depression he was unable or unwilling to manage or defeat. I have no intention of going the same way but, yeah, I guess if I do suffer to some extent from depression, yeah, I must get off my arse and do something about it. In a separate post, I will write more about this. But, let me tell you, mum, being this posessive, this "protective" of me is the pits. Stop it. I can look after myself. Okay, what else. Let me face my own demons and let me lead my own life, Mum. Stop interfering and then, some day, one day, we can meet again as equals. Until then, I will take drastic action if necessary, Mum, to keep you away from me. So, why continue to waste your time and energy trying to force your way into my life? (**) Okay, I think, in the end, this post is once again on the kind side, Mum. I could think of a few uncharitable things to write about you but I've decided to forgo that. For now, Adios. Paul Carr (*) Perhaps, it would be a good idea, mother, for you to stop visiting my europeanpaulcarr msn spae in future, mother, because this blog was a big factor why you got so upset with in our last phone call conversation, no doubt, in particular, my article about splitting up or falling out with Chinese women. If you're so upset with the truth, Mother, you shouldn't read my blog. Myblog is an exploration of *my* truth becxause by finding *my* truth, I can empower myself and energize myself to find effective and long lasting solutions as well as an effective happy and fulfilling lifestyle. You would be wise not to interfere in my process of self-discovery and re-invention of my Self. (**) Because this is not love, Mum, this is not your love. This is the opposite of love. This is fear, your fear. I don't want it. I've got enough problems and challenges on my plate as it is.
	posté par Paul Carr