Chris Huston <chrisy2062>

Some funny letters sent to Viz11/22/07
 
Subject: letters sent to Viz


If the failed 21/7 bombers had just waited three more days, we'd allbe calling them the 24/7 bombers. This would imply that they blowthings up all day every day and, despite their actual lack of success,make them at least sound like they were good at bombing. Christina Martin, London

A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV Newsthat "God would make her better." presumably, that's a different Godfrom the one that almost killed her with a tornado. M Lovejoy

I just saw a van drive by with the company name 'Seafood Solutions'. Imust admit, I didn't know seafood was a problem. Martin Kristos

It is said that gentlemen prefer blondes. I hope then that lesbians prefer brunettes, otherwise we might have to organise some kind of rota system. Johnny Pring

To the zookeeper in 1978 who replied "I'll tell you when you're older"when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up anotherone's arse: I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation. Joe McKeown

I've just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I cantestify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo. Neil Palmer

I'm beginning to think there may be something in this climate changeafter all. Four months ago it was very cold and now it's quite warm. Alan Heath

I heard on the news that the January storms had cost this country abillion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they didmore harm than good. S Prodnipple, Scarborough

So Princes Harry and William are throwing a party to celebrate the10th anniversary of their mother's death. I'm glad that they canfinally laugh about it, but throwing a party seems a bit harsh. D Antarctica, Rhyll

What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with aloved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give himsome chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight. T Potter

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for someaction. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing. That should keep her quiet for a while. Warren

This new police knife amnesty is a bloody nightmare. I dutifully handed all my knives in and now I've got nothing to eat my dinnerwith. Richard Karslake, Oxfordshire

'Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak', sang Thin Lizzy in 1976,'somewhere in this town'. Well, I'm guessing it's going to be at the prison. Raymond
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