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Five surgeons (Humour)674 Tage her
 
Five surgeons were discussing who made the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon said "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up everything inside is numbered."

The second responded "I suggest electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third surgeon then said "No, really, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimed in: "Well I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the arse are completely interchangeable

 0 Kommentare 
Brain Training680 Tage her
 
If an aeroplane is on a treadmill that is going backwards at the same speed that the plane is going forwards, would the plane take off?

Assuming that the treadmill is the same length as a normal runway.
 6 Kommentare 
Space (The Final Frontier) ....687 Tage her
 
A question for those who have the NA or NB model. I read somewhere that behind the seats you don't have a flat plastic barrier with three cubbies with doors ... but actually some 'useable' space. Is this true?

I'm just curious as usual.

 9 Kommentare 
Carrying Lithium Batteries on 'planes706 Tage her
 
Passengers will no longer be able to pack loose lithium batteries in checked luggage beginning January 1, 2008 once new safety rules take effect. The new regulation, designed to reduce the risk of lithium battery fires, will continue to allow lithium batteries in checked baggage if they are installed in electronic devices, or in carry-on baggage if stored in plastic bags.

Common consumer electronics such as travel cameras, cell phones, and most laptop computers are still allowed in carry-on and checked luggage. However, the rule limits individuals to bringing only two extended-life spare rechargeable lithium batteries, such as laptop and professional audio/video/camera equipment lithium batteries in carry-on baggage.

So plan ahead!
 0 Kommentare 
Cats710 Tage her
 
Okay I’m guilty – I like cats more than people! Some of you may recall my story on mx-5.com about the chap next door … ordinarily a very tough and hard person … knocking on my door with one of his cats in hand. The cat had just died and the chap was crying uncontrollably. Anyway as part of the healing they got a ‘replacement’ from a local shelter … a nice young tortoiseshell which took about a month to become friends with their other cat. Now me being me tend to use cats as models when taking photographs … and so I gave the chap and his wife a calendar … with a cat photograph (one of their cats) per month. Told you – I’m soft when it comes to cat’s … purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

http://www.photobox.co.uk/ if anyone is interested.

 9 Kommentare 
One more frae Irn Bru!!!710 Tage her
 
http://www.ephinx.com/tvadverts/347/...
 4 Kommentare 
...and one more funny driving video for you all, with love from MZ xxx710 Tage her
 
Enjoy this one. It's another one that cracks me up. I would SO love to try this one day, preferably to a Multipla :L

Sit back and watch.......

http://www.visit4info.com/details.cf...
 1 Kommentar 
That Irn Bru Snowman TV commercial......710 Tage her
 
Don't know if you got this TV advert "doon sooth", and I know I've posted it a week late, but it cracks me up, and I thought I would share it with you folks!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfiqr...

Happy New Year! Just watch out in case that Snowman comes back and you're having a drink! :L
 3 Kommentare 
The Four T'Yorkshiremen716 Tage her
 
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You're right there, Obadiah.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
A cup o' cold tea.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Without milk or sugar.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Or tea.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In a cracked cup, an' all.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son".

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was right.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, 'e was.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor was missing, and we were all 'uddled together in one corner for fear of falling.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in t' corridor!

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a corridor! Would ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
We were evicted from our 'ole in the ground; we 'ad to go and live in a lake.

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Cardboard box?

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to 'ave to get up out of shoebox at twelve o'clock at night and lick road clean wit' tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two wit' bread knife.

FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ..... they won't believe you.

ALL:
They won't!
 3 Kommentare 
Hold tightly whilst the bar is in motion717 Tage her
 
Beer Fault Finding Flow Chart


SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty or drinking Budweiser.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another one.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to the bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about her house training.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
 0 Kommentare 
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