Tony L <Mebrithiel>
|Needing a place (again... again...)||8/6/08|
|To live actually.|
Lucy has been an epic help. I finally have a full-time job and now I need a flat (or box even) to live in. It's either this or I leave Edinburgh and go live with my brother in York (if he'll still have me).
I'm not bothered either way, but I don't think my time has come to leave Edinburgh, so I need help.
I'll live in almost any sized room. All I have are my computer and guitar and clothes and I don't take up much room myself. I just need somewhere preferrably close to town or near a good bus and sane people to live with. Lucy is the only mad person I can live with tbh.
What you get from me? I make very little impact on any place I live. I make very little washing up and, if the kitchen is nice, I actually enjoy washing up. I'm not great at remembering to do other types of housework, but if it's my turn and someone tells me, I'll get it done.
I can't cook (ask wendy - I can burn sausages), but again, if the kitchen's nice and people are willing to try my cooking, I can always give it ago.
All I need is somewhere small and cheap and preferably with a good kitchen.
I'm looking around the 250-ish figure, due to fulltime barwork not ever being quite fulltime, but almost.
Oh and access to teh interwebs would be nice, but, as I've learned, I'm not as hooked to it as most people.
Please ask around for me guys. I don't wanna leave Edinburgh yet! I'm just useless at helping myself >_<
|Leaving Embra for a while||4/17/08|
|Right, I've failed this week in securing either a job or a place to stay, so it looks like I'm leaving Edinburgh for a while now. Mum's already given the all clear, so I'm fucking off back to crappy England.|
It's funny, but I've been here 8 years and in that time, I've had most of my achievements outside the city. I still haven't grown up one iota and even managed to get a degree while I wasn't looking. I've had some really good times, but then I'm never one to dwell on the bad ones.
Sadly, the last few months have just gotten on top of me. It's hard to lose your girlfriend, your job and the place you lived all in the space of 2 months. People have wondered why I've not dealt with it in an expedient manner, but I'm not great at dealing with things full stop - it's a kinda ongoing trait of mine.
I'll admit I'm naive. The world isn't the place I want it to be. It never will be and I guess I'll go on being naive and hoping it'll get better if I just hope hard enough. In the meantime, I'll continue to walk the path of hedonism and revelry in my bid to escape the situation the world is in.
In the meantime, I'm taking a break from Edinburgh. Of the eight years, I've made many loose friends. Out of my entire list, I'll have to apologise and say that I'm sorry I couldn't confide in anyone. I'm just not the sort to talk about my own problems and expect others to listen. In the end though, it's what keeps others away. There's a few who know who they are and who I did my best by and to those I apologise - maybe if I could have talked, you would have listened.
For the majority, just be happy you knew the carefree swiss tony. The one who'd play any tune on any night. The one who'd chat about any random stuff for a cheeky smoke (cause he's too lazy to roll his own). The one who drank far too much jack'n'coke and danced to far too much emo. The one who dressed far too girly. The one who talked far too much about Eve-online. The one who seemed to actually enjoy singing the Rasmus at karaoke and somehow (don't ask me) managed to pull off Goldfrapp.
You'll see me again, no doubt.
My uncle David commited suicide at my age after losing what I've lost. He felt it was everything. He forgot about how much it hurts those around who loved him. Suffice to say, I'm a little stronger than that. Nothing's ever gonna bring me down...
...I'm just recharging my batteries.
And now for the edit. Jodz has found me a job today and Lucy Quate has offered for me to crash longer at hers if I help with tidying the flat and teach her guitar. Hopefully this'll work for a good while and I don't have to leave, but I'm not holding my hopes up too high.
Suffice to say, at least my life isn't boring lol.
|Some of you may have noticed I've been hobbling about lately on a crutch. Here's the full explanation.|
On Monday 18th of February, after work, I was up at Transgression skatepark on the 3rd floor of Ocean Terminal. If you haven't seen it yet, it's freaking epic - a truly astounding park.
Anywho, around 9pm ish, after 3 hours of skating - Rollerblading in my case - I went over the volcano spine in the center of the park, as I had done tonnes already that past hour, however this time, a bmx-er was coming off the backwall and heading for the other side of the spine.
Neither of us had breaks, I tried to swerve, but my ballance was already slightly off due to my need to hit the spine more and get used to it. He tried to stop but his backside fish-tailed. Unfortunately, leg met bmx and left rear stunt-peg went into my leg and bounced off my shin bone. The picture uploaded in my 2008 folder should be self-explanatory. It was nice and gory, but no flesh missing and the bone was intact.
After trying to make all of us puke by moving the calf-flesh around the bone, the paramedics came and recommended I got to A&E. The bmx dude drove me to the hospital and 5 stitches later and 4 hours at Little France and I'm sorted, albiet for the agonizing pain I'm still kinda suffering atm.
Fast-forward a week or so, I'm back to work after a few days R&R, but sadly, I won't be skating for a few weeks more. Before then, I intend to get shin-pads
Moral of the story? Chicks dig scars?
|Beautiful, intelligent, sexy and weird... no, not me - Wendy. And now also single.|
We split up last night. I think I felt it coming from back when I wrote my recent last post. It was 2 years of great times and a happy relationship. We're still mates but that doesn't stop it hurting a bit. And now I get to tell all my workmates that I told them so.
Well, gotta go on, but more importantly, I gotta move out. So if anyone has a spare room going in town and they can stand me for more than an hour when I'm out, give me a shout okays?
Anywho, karaoke tonight and then the Hive. Let's see if I can handle being single again after quite a while. I'll need plenty of drinks, I think...
|Maybe I should use this moar...||2/1/08|
|Ok, I'm not a big fan of anything myspace/bebo/etc, but I do love some of the features.|
Today, thanks to the amazing writings of Penny Arcade, I decided to upload an amazing video of Li's VR screen. Hope anyone who actually bothers to read this and watch that enjoys it.
Anywho, coming back to features - last week saw the first good use of Facebook for me. One of my old Uni mates has buggered off to Australia for 4 years or so to teach kids etc and Friday night was her last night in the country. I won't say too much, suffice to say that this girl literally dragged me kicking and screaming to the uni library many-a-day I needed to actually study.
As people know me, I'm a strong-minded opponent to current education, seeing as it let me get a BSc with next to no work, so actually getting me to read something to prepare me for tutorials where only me and one other lass ever talked was an achievement worthy of a Nobel Prize. I will sorely miss her, but will endeavour to use Facebooks features for keeping in touch with the myriad of people who seem to know me on there, including but not exclusively, my sister, mum, brother, and old school mates.
And of course, more importantly, that phenomenal girl, aforementioned.
So, this wasn't going to be a deep post. Hell, I'll let the haunting vocals of Phil Collins and Albert Hammond Jr cover that part of my morning. But a large percentage of people on here probably only know me as the crazy, annoying, little socialite who drinks a little too much and too often.
Well, to be quite honest, there isn't that much to tell. A great guy has been poking me the last month or so to actually get together and jam. He's heard me sing and I've heard his solo guitar work. We can get this to work this year and I fully intend to, once I get more than one day off a week to do so.
I'm currently working at Sunglass Hut in Ocean Terminal. Feel free to come poke me if you're in the area. I'll either be selling something (10%) of the time, doing paperwork (20%), or trying on designer sunglasses and chatting (70%). I have a great team to work with and the job is quite interesting for the most part. It gets me by and I'm not a whore for cash. I'm in this life for fun and entertainment, so the job suits for now.
Wendy and I are still together (I know a few people hate me for that). It's been 2 years and 2 months of what I can only describe as happiness and intrigue, Wendy isn't just gorgeous, as many men will attest, she's also intelligent, cheery and weird. Anywho, she doesn't get out as much during the week thanks to her new amazing job, but I always pass on regards from those I see out, to her. She misses going out to the Pit and so-on quite a bit.
Well I'll stop here for now and see about going into town and getting some bearings for my K2 250 cc rollerblades so I can test the ramps of the new skate park in Ocean Terminal. Any skater who hasn't been there yet, whether board, blades or bmx; get up there soon. It looks amazing and is as much a communal project as a skaters dream.
|The human (for Wendy)||10/9/07|
|I had an interesting night tonight...|
As a person, I've always held strong the desire to see humans and humanity expunge their more animal constraints. Our desire for consumption is nothing new and our desires in heart are no different.
Tonight led me on a trail of discovery.
A few conversations outside and inside of The Hive with Andy in particular, reminded me of what makes us human. It's not our crafting of the world around us or our higher cognitive thought. What makes us human is what makes us different from our evolutionary counterparts.
I hope Andy doesn't kill me for this, but his story is poignant and important:
Andy fell in love with a girl. He thought her perfect and brilliant. Whether this was momentary (as many people believe love to be... fleeting and all that) or not, Andy was in love with this girl.
And her child.
Andy looked beyond his animalistic and intrinsic beliefs to care for the mother and child despite the child not being his. His compassion went far beyond animalistic and even human consideration. He cared for the child that wasn't his own.
Now pessimists will point out that his care for the child was intrinsic to the love he had for the childs mother. But knowing Andy as I do, I believe his care for the child was genuine and beyond what the animalistic tendency could even consider; he would have cared for that child like it was his own.
And he's not alone. This happens in many circumstances. Even when the relationship between the adults is suffering, both will consider the child, regardless of whether their together or not, as a concern.
Genetically, all animals are only considerate of their own situation. The exemptions we see are animals in a high stress situation, such as low breeding numbers and/or extinction circumstances.
Humans are no where near these situations. Andy's consideration for another humans existence that wasn't his direct concern, was his love for a fellow human being. His honour was what kept him in the right (and that's my opinion more than anything). He loved that mother and son as if he was part of the family unit.
This is what makes us human. Our compassion beyond the animal fringe keeps reminding us that none of us are heroes - we're all just good humans.
Over the last 2 years I've come to understand a little of my humanity: Being in love with a single human; a single girl who makes my life utterly complete, has made me understand that before this, I was lacking in a part of what made me human. While I can survive on my own (and I often enforce this point with everyone I know), my true wellbeing was only complete with the girl, who for the last almost 2 years has kept me sane and safe, the one I need.
My humanity is only a reflection of the monogamous relationship I have with the girl who makes me a human. My animalistic tendencies are thrown out the window when I consier laying my life down for her. Even my suicidal selfish feelings are put away the minute I think of her.
For the first time in my life, despite my despisal of the typical religious relationship, I'm complete in being with another person.
I just hope it doesn't end.
|Holy strange dreams again batman!||7/4/07|
|Blogs suck in general, but they help people keep track of how a mate is doing when they can't see them a lot. Don't suppose that really matters for me, considering how much most people get to see me.|
However, none of you are fortunate enough to join me in my dreams... knowingly, at least. So here's a brief overview of two dreams I had last night between 5am and 1pm and 1pm and 5pm (alarm went off between the two, so it's roughly accurate).
Anywho, the first dream was kinda set in a massive indoor Alton Towers (google it if you haven't heard of it), set inside a massive St. James Centre (again; google is your friend). But instead of loads of rides, it was like a massive zoned complex where you had to go through each zone to get to the top, each one being kinda like a sonic 2 level, but more spatial and less deadly.
I lose details around about here, but one example was this mountain like level covered in fake glacial blocks with mini-crevices. But the thing with this was that randomly, between these crevices, electric arcs in plasma-like gas would hop out and give anyone near a sharp, semi-paralysing jolt. So you had to do the whole 'Sonic timing' thing and jump from bloc to bloc after the electric arcs had fired already.
The other dream was much more detailed:
I was in this heavily gang-war-torn city, where I was fighting on the side of the good guys trying to stabilise the city and look after the innocents (not that there were many as the fighting had dragged many into it). We had faced many crooked gangs before but now had a new threat: One secretive figure who had an anime-esque parade of specialists in different fields of street combat, hand-picked from various minor gangs and probably the only good ones from those gangs.
Examples include one guy, Tank, who literally was a walking tank - masses of body armor and able to use any weapon possible. Another was some girl called La Crux, who had epic boobs and used her charms on here enemies while trying to put them out of commission. There was another called Pao, a shadowy chinese gal, who was like a ninja and martial arts specialist all in one. One final one I remember was some blonde guy - a specialist in hacking or something.
Anywho, they were trying to put a grip on the city by hitting the gangs and annihilating anything in their paths. Most of the time, they sent in their "hired goons" - generic soldiers or mercs, while their "anime specialists" hung around the bulletproof limo's and trucks of the "shadowy leader figure". I swear the aura I got from this guy was like Calypso from Twisted Metal.
So basically, it was down to me to face these guys, Die Hard style, in my dream. I'd have intel passed to me through the good gang's underground connections, they'd arm me up and I'd head to the location these guys were said to be hitting. I'd get there as fast as possible, fighting my way through street battles if needed and would arrive before or just as the "Force", as they were called, arrived. If I got there in time, I'd get to setup a tactic or something.
Anywho, from then on, it had the makings of an awesome fps computer game, with me, the main character, wading through hordes of "Force" soldiers and every now and then, facing one of the "Specialists", with love affairs and proposed commeraderie dotted about in between. Was an epic dream tbh.
Anywho, hope those 5-10mins you spent reading this weren't a complete waste. Till next dream? o/