Ryan Byers <ryan1541>
"i will spark the brain that will change the world"
|MOre Chuck Norris||7/6/09|
|The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.|
If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!
Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
God didn't knock up Mary, Chuck Norris was just bored
Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin.
Chuck Norris invented the apple.
Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.
Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.
Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
Chuck Norris's paradise is war.
Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.
Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one hand, and one hand only.
Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.
Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.
Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.
The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban Legend.
Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.
On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.
See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon balls.
Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.
If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.
Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.
You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
Chuck norris invented the corndog.
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief expor
|took this off ma pals bebo! Brilliant!||6/21/07|
|31 Reasons Chuck Norris is better than you|
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ?Two seconds till.? After you ask, ?Two seconds to what?? he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn?t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his v1rginity before his dad did.
7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to ?Fucking.?
12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris? beard. There is only another fist.
14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
15. In the movie ?Back to the Future? they used Chuck Norris? Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson?s disease.
16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
17. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn?t was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris?s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, ?Holy crap! That?s Chuck Norris!? Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn?t lifting himself up, he?s pushing the Earth down.