Jack West <sgtwest>

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Me 7/19/07
 

(1)Your gender?: male
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: Straight
(3) Single?: nope
(4) Want to be: nope
(5) Your birthday: 18/08
(6) Age you wish you were: 21
(7) Your height:5'9
(9) The color of your eyes: green
(10) The color of your hair: brown
(11) Piercings?: nope
(12) Tattoos?: None

DO YOU . . .
(13) Smoke Cigarettes?: no
(14) Do drugs?: No
(15) Read the newspaper?: yes
(16) Pray?: No
(17) Talk to strangers?: no
(18) Take walks in the rain?: yes
(19) Drive?: no
(20) Like to drive fast?: no

HAVE YOU EVER . .
(21) Hurt yourself?: Yes
(22) Been out of the country?: Yes
(23) Been in love?: Yes
(24) Done drugs?: No
(25) Gone skinny dipping?: No
(26) Had a surgery?: no
(27) Ran away from home?: yep
(28) Played strip poker?: yep
(29) Gotten beaten up?: yep
(30) Been picked on?: Yep
(31) Been on stage?: Yep
(32) Slept outdoors?: Yep
(33) Had a best friend?: Yes
(34) Pulled an all-nighter?: yep
(35) If yes, what is your record?: 5 days
(36) Talked on the phone all night?: yes
(37) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?:yes
(39) Killed someone?: like i would say
(40) Made out with a stranger?: yes - then she became my girl freind
(41) Had sex with a stranger?: No
(42) Kissed the same sex?: yep
(43) Done anything sexual with the same sex?:no
(44) Been betrayed?: yes
(47) Been on radio/TV.?: yes
(48) Been in a mosh-pit?: hell ye
(49) Had a nervous breakdown?: yes
(50) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: No
(51) Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yep
(52) Shoe brand?: DC
(53) What are you normally wearing to school/work?:uniform
(54) Wear hats?: No
(55) Judge other people by their clothing?: sometimes
(56) Wear make-up?: no
(57) Favorite place to shop?: virgin
(58) Favorite article of clothing?: iron maiden fan club jacket
(59) Are you trendy?: no dont try to be

BELIEFS
(60) Believe in life on other planets?: yes
(61) Miracles?: No
(62) Astrology?: yes
(63) Magic?: no
(64) God?: yes i am god
(65) Satan?: yes
(66) Santa?: No
(67) Ghosts?:no
(68) Luck?: Yes
(69) Love at first sight?: yes
(70) Yin and Yang?: no
(71) Witches?: No
(72) Easter bunny?: No
(73) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes
(74) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: No
(75) Do you wish on stars?: No

LOVE AND ALL THAT
(76) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title: no
(77) Do you remember your first love?: Yes
(78) Still love him/her?: yes
(79) Do you consider love a mistake?: No
(80) What do you find romantic? hmmmm
(81) Turn-on?: naked chicks
(82) Turn-off?: naked blooks
83) Do you base your judgement on looks alone?: No
84) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: yes ish
(85) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: dunno
(86) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: dunno dont give a shit
(87) What is best about the opposite sex?: facial features
(88) What's the last present someone gave you?:scasrf ish
(89) Are you in love?: yes
WHO WAST HE LAST PERSON . . .
(90) That you laughed at?: jerremy clarkson
(91) That laughed at you?: tom r
(92) That you talked to?: dad
(93) You went shopping with?: dan n alex
(94) To disappoint you?: bex
(96) To make you cry?: bex
(97) To brighten up your day?: billie
(98) That you thought about?: bilie
(99) You saw a movie with?: alex
(100) You talked to on the phone?: billie and cat
(103) You turned down?: dunno

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(104) Smiled? last time i spoke to BJ
(105) Laughed?: yesterday
(106) Cried?: Yesterday
(107) Bought something?: today
(108) Danced?: Monday
(109) Were sarcastic?: today
(110) hugged someone?: tuesday
(111) Talked to an ex?: yesterday
(112) Watched your fave movie?: a few days ago
(113) Talked on the phone?: 2day
(114) Listened to the radio?: 2day
(115) Watched TV?: i am now
(116) Went out?: yesterday
(117) Helped someone?: 2day
(118) Sang?: dunno
(120) Got drunk?: dunno
 0 Comments 
My Family7/18/07
 
Tell me what you wanna be where ther is a gap or summint else you wanna be thnakyou xxx
My wife-
My sxc Girlfreind - Billie Jay
My mummy -
My daddy -
My big brother - Dan (big as in wide) lol
My little brother - Tom R
My big sister - Jem
My little sister- Emz
My daughter -
My son -
My Crazy cuzans - Frazer
My No1 friend in der world - Alex
My sugar plum fairy -
My fairy god mother -
My slave -
My shoppoholic friend -
My siamese twin -
My valentine - Billie Jay
My chatterbox -
My hot admirer -
My cleaner -
My flirty frend - Jem
My dancing chick - Demmi (does moshing count?)
My sexy minx - Billie jay
My gangsta - Josh lol
My stalker -
My sex bomb - Bilie Jay
My wana b girlfrend -
My gay bestfrend - patches
My drama queen -
My drama king -
My Twin -
My Blonde - BJ
My Other Blonde -
My Emo chick -
My Muffin -
My Mental buddie - Josh
My dude ?
My Drinking buddy - Dan, Alex, Tom
My teddy bear -
My tramp ?
My Guardian angel -
My Jelly bean -
My Hardcore Cdt m8 - Pover
My bullied friend - Emz
My Something - Tom R
 1 Comment 
Do It7/2/07
 
1.Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you hav a crush on me?
5. Would u kiss me?
7. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10.Do u still think the same?
11.What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?
18. R u gona put this on ur blog and c wat i say bout u?
19. Anything 2 say b4 u go?
 4 Comments 
131 Rules of a Kerrang Kid7/1/07
 
1. Your hair is dyed a colour that doesn't appear naturally in humans, and you think tattoos and piercings are "sexy."
2. "Rip," "Suck," and "Rule" are the best descriptions you can come up with for music.
3. You think ICP is funny.
4. You think Korn is a metal band.
5. When you write or type words, you do it LiKe ThIs because you think it looks ReAlLy kEwL.
6. You think "Eighties Metal" refers to Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Poison.
7. You call yourself a metal fan, but when someone mentions Tom G.Warrior you just get a confused look on your face.
8. You're white, yet you wear really baggy clothes and try to come off as being hardcore.
10. You call people "fags" and "pieces of muthafuckin' shit."
11. You assume that if someone doesn't like Slipknot, they must listen to "pussy stuff like N'sync".
12. You claim to like heavy metal, yet can't name any German thrash bands.
13. You call things "the shit."
14. You own a Dr. Suess hat.
15. You think "goth" means Marilyn Manson.
16. You associate "industrial" with Prodigy instead of Skinny Puppy and Foetus.
17. You have a tribal tattoo.
18. You'd just die if Jonathan Davis touched you!
19. You think black metal bands are trying to copy KISS with their image.
20. You say things like, "Korn rulz and always will! If u dun like them you sux!"
21. You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music."
22. You think the cops probably want to steal your pot.
23. Your music collection consists of less than 100 items. Most or all of these names appear in your collection: Korn, Taproot, Limp Bizkit, Fear Factory, Aiden, Coal Chamber, System Of A Down, Downset, Soulfly, Bowling For Soup, Mudvayne, and Static-X.
24. You say some rap is good.
25. You love Incubus and don't know that there was once a Florida thrash metal band by the same name.
27. You're a 17 year old female and wear crop tops under your open ski jacket in January to show off your navel piercing. Flabby abdominal muscles do not seem to deter you, either.
28. You know who Wayne Static is and think his hair is kEwL.
29. You think Korn "revitalized heavy metal", even though the band themselves want to be disassociated with the genre.
30. You Think Green Day are so heavy.
31. You have covered the back of your car in stickers, including at least one anarchy symbol, and one alien.
32. You think death metal is Satanic.
33. You think that by dressing, looking and talking like every other Kerrang simpleton that you're showing your individuality and expressing your uniqueness.
34. You think Fear Factory keeps getting better on every album.
35. You don't realize that Trivium are just doing what Metallica did twenty years ago.
36. You think that Metallica is good for a bunch of old geezers and Reload rocks!!
37. You consider the black album "old Metallica".
38. You think that Roadrunner is an underground label.
39. HMV meets all of your music needs.
40. You think you're on the cutting edge of music after seeing such "obscure" bands as Mushroomhead, Taproot, and Drowning Pool.
41. You learned your politics from Hatebreed.
42. You never experienced the torture of "Headbangers' Ball" - sitting through 2 hours and 50 minutes of White Lion, Extreme, Enuff Z Nuff and Poison to see a Kreator video.
43. You think Kid Rock is the first person to combine rap with "heavy" guitars.
44. You actually like Staind. Enough to buy it on CD. Enough to see them live. Enough to wear one of their shirts in public.
45. You say you hate the government yet can't name more than five people who actually work in the government, and one of those people is your aunt Irene that works at the DMV.
46. You don't find this rant amusing in the slightest.
47. You think your backpack goes nicely with your backwards baseball cap.
48. You think that the pictures of Coal Chamber are not at all silly, goofy, ugly, or stupid. In fact, you think at least one of the band members is really hot - even in these clothes. In fact, you dress like this every day and your parents and/or teachers give you a lot of grief about it.
49. You say things like "Korn are heavier than Iron Maiden or Judas Priest EVER were".
50. You're constantly in danger of tripping over your wallet chain.
51. You shave your eyebrows to look like that fag from Orgy.
52. You think Stormwitch, Anvil, Destruction and Blood Feast are new games for N64.
53. You think Slipknot is "The heaviest fucking band on earth, EVER. Nothing could top that, dude."
54. You think Linkin Park mosh pits are "violent."
55. Your parents hate your look but buy you your ridiculous clothes anyway because your broke ass won't.
56. You think punk rock was started by Sum 41
57. You think a band kicks ass if the guitarist performs a BMX Tabletop while he's playing that constant over-distorted open sludge note on it.
58. You look like Fred Durst.
59. You wear a red baseball cap that's somewhat furry.
60. You look like Eminem and actually think he's kEwL.
61. You know every lyric to all of Eminem's albums.
62. Before the Black Album got huge, you called Metallica "worship-Satan, kill-your-mother, rape-your-sister shit."
63. Hot Topic, Aeropostale and Gadzooks meet all of your clothing needs.
64. You actually think Kid Rock is worth your spending money on.
65. When somebody mentions metal, you think Papa Roach instead of Slayer.
66. You've heard real metal and you don't like it.
67. You refuse to acknowledge the fact that Slipknot's masks are just gimmicks.
68. You think Limp Bizkit and Crazy Town are "tight."
69. You call death metal boring but you've never actually listened to a death metal band.
70. You get confused in the metal chatroom as to why most people there are "dissing" your favorite band.
71. You've sent hatemail to webmasters of anti-nu metal sites (with bad grammar and obscene language, of course).
72. You dress in a gothic way, listen to stuff such as Marilyn Manson and Korn but have the nerve to call yourself a non-conformist.
73. You fancy yourself as a non-conformist rebel but shrink back in fear everytime your maths teacher tells you to "knock it off!"
74. Every time a new Kerrang band pops up, you are usually one of the first to buy their CDs at HMV.
75. You claim you don't like boy bands or rappers but you hang around with most of their fans.
76. You think the singer from Mudvayne is really hot.
77. When somebody mentions Slayer you think of God Hates Us All.
78. You say the first Coal Chamber album doesn't sound like Korn.
79. You get confused when somebody says the singer from Tristania is better than the singer from Kittie.
80. You say Hot Topic isn't a trendy store.
81. Your hair is more colours than a hippie's shirt.
82. Your idea of Death Metal is Fear Factory.
83. Your screenname has more X's than ever thought imaginable in a 16-letter space.
84. You actually smoke pot on April 20th.
85. You think Cannibal Corpse started "death metal."
86. Your closet is full of Jncos and Korn/Slipknot/Mudvayne shirts, all with bleach stains and holes and fringed ends.
87. Your idea of a heavy guitar sound is an Ibanez RG7 tuned to Z flat.
88. You don't know what happened to Danzig after The Misfits.
89. You use your index, pinky AND thumb when making the metal salute.
90. Your idea of underground is Spineshank.
91. The more dented, scratched, stickered up and destroyed your guitar is, the better it is.
92. You think that by rebelling against your parents you're actually accomplishing something.
93. You've hit a "gravity bong."
94. You think of Cold as being emotional.
95. You consider yourself a black metal fan because you recently found out about Phil Anselmo's side project "Viking Crown."
96. You think Cradle Of Filth is black metal.
97. You deny that Slipknot and Korn are mainstream, yet they are constantly aired on MTV.
98. You really think Marilyn Manson maims animals on stage.
99. All of your friends look exactly like you with slight differences like whether the lip piercing is on the left or right.
100. Your idea of a diverse musical taste is Blink 182.
101. You own a skateboard.
102. You think Slipknot's drummer is good because he can play double bass.
103. You worship Slipknot but don't know who Anal Blast are.
104. You think every band Metal Edge Magazine mentions is metal. Not to mention go by what bands label themselves, no matter how false it is.
105. You play a 7-string guitar and seriously think Korn invented them.
106. You don't know that Korn ripped off a Morbid Angel song. The breakdown of Morbid Angel's "Angel Of Disease" sounds exactly like Ball Tongue. (Angel Of Disease-1993, Ball Tongue-1994)
107. You say "y'all."
108. You think Tool is talented because they sound different from other Kerrang bands.
109. Whenever your parents or other adults are around, you cough to hide the obscenities when you have a Korn CD on.
110. You think no one listens to Eighties Metal anymore and if they do, they're at least forty years old.
111. You think Chris Barnes has the "deepest voice."
112. Your parents make you go to church and you think you're evil and blasphemic by wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt when you go with them.
113. The first time you ever heard Slayer was when you saw them @ Reading Festival.
114. When someone mentions grind, all you can think of is Anal Cunt.
115. You think real metallers have never outsmarted a Kerrang nerd and foolishly try to fight them.
116. You think people who don't like Kerrang don't buy it because they can't understand it.
117. You think people who don't like Kerrang can't take "hard music."
118. You think Deicide is the most Satanic band in the world.
119. You think Corey Taylor is "da best fuckin' metal singer EVER."
120. You think Slayer are the godfathers of "death metal."
121. When someone mentions Hellhammer, you think of the drummer of Kovenant.
122. Your only use for vinyl records is as a frisbee.
123. You like Primus, but don't know who Possessed were.
124. You would cream yourself if Ozzy autographed your copy of the Reunion CD.
125. You say anything you don't listen to must suck.
126. You think Ozzy is the godfather of all metal.
127. You think Virtual XI is the best Maiden album.
128. You think "666" is a Satanic symbol.
129. You obstinately deny the influence of Kerrap in Kerrang even though many of the bands claim Kerrap influence.
130. You've never heard 80s Sepultura.
131. Last, but not least the first time you hear of Meshuggah is when they play Ozzfest this summer.
 0 Comments 
Aesthetics Of Hate6/16/07
 
AESTHETICS OF HATE: R.I.P. DIMEBAG ABBOTT, & GOOD RIDDANCE -- Time For Conservative Imagination! by William Grim, Iconoclast Contributing Editor You`ve undoubtedly heard by now that a demented fan last week killed heavy metal guitarist Dimebag Abbott at the Alrosa Villa in Columbus, Ohio. While I am extremely happy to hear that the assassin was shot to death by a brave Columbus policeman and I in no way want to engage in a blaming the victim scenario, I cannot deny that there much in Mr. Abbott`s demise of one being hoisted on one`s petard. The squalor, inhumanity, filth (both in the metaphorical and hygienic senses), depravity, ugliness and ignorance of everything that heavy metal represents (Like rap, I cannot use the noble term music in a description of heavy metal) creates a mindset among its devotees in which Mr. Abbott`s assassination was an event that was all but waiting to happen. It was highly amusing, and also terribly sad, to watch on television fans conducting a "vigil" for the slain Mr. Abbott outside of the Alrosa Villa. It was an assemblage of ignorant, semi-human barbarians who were filthy in attire and manner, intellectually incoherent and above all else, hideously ugly to the point of physical deformity. Here is a definite case in which the outer appearance of these "fans" accurately represented the hideousness of their souls. That the physical deformity of their ugliness was self-inflicted makes the spiritual tragedy of their misspent lives all the more tragic. But one can see why the heavy metal fans so closely identified with Mr. Abbott. He was an ignorant, barbaric, untalented possessor of a guitar and large amplifier system. Freakish in appearance, more simian than human, he was the performer of a type of "entertainment" that can be likened only to a gorilla on PCP. Lacking subtlety, wit, style, emotional range and anything approaching even the smallest iota of intellectual or musical interest, Mr. Abbott was part of a generation that has confused sputum with art and involuntary reflex actions with emotion. De gustibus non disputandem est. Matters of taste are not subject to argument. That has been a general principle of aesthetics for some time, and when we are talking about the visceral preference for Mozart or Haydn or Beethoven among civilized human beings we are on pretty safe ground. I do not understand exactly why I prefer Haydn to my good friend who prefers Beethoven. But we both agree (as do all civilized human beings) that both Messrs. Haydn and Beethoven are numerous steps further along the evolutionary trail than Dimebag Abbott. Here is one area in which conservatives have failed and failed miserably. Whether it is out of a lack of interest or despair, conservatives for too long have ceded the entire field of aesthetics to the trust fund red babies of the blue states. And look at what this has brought us. So-called heavy metal music, so-called rap music, operas and stage plays in which modern "stagings" reduce Verdi and Shakespeare to the condition of a schizophrenic`s finger paintings. Leftist domination in the visual arts has made a mockery of the aesthetic greatness of modernism and replaced it with the turd encased in Lucite. And the grammatically-challenged racist rantings of Amiri Baraka now pass for poetry. However, we conservatives should not confuse family values with aesthetics. In the realm of art, our evangelical brethren have many crimes to answer for. When a church replaces Bach with Bacharach it has engaged in the aesthetic rape of the liturgy. Just because one has good intentions and approaches the numinous with "sincerity" and "authenticity" (the latter term ironically being a buzzword among the Marxist aestheticians of the Frankfurt School), that does not absolve one from aesthetic responsibility. As far as I am concerned, those who advocate a dumbed-down liturgy and schlocky pop music substitutes for Bach, Handel and the masses of the Renaissance, are as offensive as the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church and his perverse sexual politics. Part of the hard work of civilization is teaching young to be able to distinguish between the good and the bad in all aspects of life. If we teach our young children to obey the 10 Commandments and to obey the laws of the land, but don`t teach them to realize that Johann Sebastian Bach is superior to Dimebag Abbott, we have failed as parents and mentors. If a person has gone through 12 or 13 years of education and has not developed an appreciation for the greatest artistic achievements of mankind, that education has been an utter failure. While laissez-faire is the correct approach to economics it has no place in the realm of aesthetics or morality. A confidant civilization imposes its morality and aesthetics on it young people. Yes, you heard it right. We impose. The Rousseauian noble savage is a myth. Left unchecked and untutored the savage will never attain nobility. There are those who will accuse me of elitism. And I admit it. I am a conservative elitist. I want the very best. The very best form of government, the very best of civilizations, the very best educational system, the very best literature and art, the very best music, the very best way of life. If I need open heart surgery I want to go to an elite heart surgeon. Mediocrity is the goal of socialism. Americans should aspire to greatness. In the past forty years, conservatives have won great victories in the political, economic and moral realms, but we stand to throw all our gains away if we do not reclaim ascendancy in the aesthetic realm as well. And while the murder of even a semi-human barbarian like Mr. Abbott is tragic and to be lamented, it would be wrong to ignore Mr. Abbott`s complicity in contributing to the soul-deadening culture of death, ugliness, depravity and inhumanity that spawned his killer. Hugo von Hofmannsthal once remarked that "all powerful imaginations are conservative." It is time for conservatives to utilize their imaginations and reclaim the field of aesthetics from the left-that is, while there is still something left in the aesthetic realm worth reclaiming. Iconoclast contributing editor William E. Grim is a writer who lives in Germany and is a native of Columbus, Ohio. He may be reached at wgrim@myrealbox.com.
 1 Comment 
Sogs of Life5/24/07
 
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing and the Band
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...


Opening Credits: Out Of The Silent Planet - Iron Maiden

Waking Up: And The Bands Played On - Saxon

First Day At School: Clocked In - Black Flag

Falling In Love: End Of The Line - Devildriver

Fight Song: Waking Up In A Pool Of Vomit - Dick Delicious And The Tasty Testicals

Breaking Up: Warheart - Children Of Bodom

Prom: Crushed By The Truth - Terror

Life: South Of Heaven - Slayer

Mental Breakdown: You Let Me Down - Black Flag

Driving: Socio - Stone Sour

Flashback: Spit It Out - Slipknot

Getting Back Together: Needled 24/7 - Children Of Bodom

Wedding: Not One Truth - Hatebreed

Birth of Child: New Level - Pantera

Final Battle: Power Trip - Chimaira

Death Scene: Shame On The Night - Dio

Funeral Song: Through The Never - Metallica

End Credits: Am I Evil - Metallica
 0 Comments 
Metallica - Death is not the end (previously known as new song) - it now has lyrics4/29/07
 

Man in black comes around
Blacks the light
Blacks the sound
Fear the thought of it never ever coming back
Leave the shift to the round


Open up your gate
Spirit dialate
Watch the falling sand
Shifting through his hand
Open Up Your Gate
Spirit Dialate
Whisper To Your Friends
Death Is Not The End!

Not the End
Not the End
Its the beginning
It?s a?

Paid my dues in the cell
Be the toll of the bell
Dearly beloved
We gathered here today
to say goodbye to our old selves

Open Up Your Gate
Spirit Dialate
Watch the falling sand
Slipping through his hand
Open Up Your Gate
Spirit Dialate
Go tell all Your Friends
Death Is Not The End!

Not the End
Not the End
its the begining

Ive been a rambler, the light changes me
Ive been a rambler, the light sets me free

Sets me free

*Guitar Solo*

Yeah!

Ive been a rambler the light sets me free
ive been a gambler the light sets me free

Sets me free

Haha!

Man in black comes around
Blacks the light
Blacks the sound
Dearly beloved
We gathered here today
to say goodbye to our old selves

Open up your gate
Spirit dialate
Watch the falling sand
Slipping through his hand
Open Up Your Gate
Spirit Dialate
Go Tell all Your Friend
Death Is Not The End!

Not the End
Not the End
its the begining

Death is not the end!
 0 Comments 
BEER Vs VAGINA4/13/07
 
1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
- One point to BEER

2. Warm beer tastes awful.
- One point to VAGINA

3. A really cold beer is satisfying.
- One point to BEER

4. If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair
between your teeth, you may vomit.
- One point to VAGINA

5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances.
- I'll just call it a DRAW for the time being.

6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere.
- One point to VAGINA

7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may
suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.
- One point to VAGINA

8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer.
- One point to VAGINA

9. You normally don't find old beer.
- One point to BEER

10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you'll think you've seen God.
- One point to VAGINA

11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is
fun.
- One point to VAGINA

12. In most countries there's a tax on beer.
- One point to VAGINA

13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off.
- One point to BEER

14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or a can.
- One point to BEER

15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but eventually it
settles down.
- One point to BEER

16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark,
pilsner,ale,lager,etc.
- One point to BEER

17. You always know how much beer is going to cost
- One point to BEER

18. Beer doesn't have a father
- One point to BEER

19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you
drink it.
- One point to BEER

20. Tapping a Keg... easy. Tapping a Vagina... may take you weeks.
- One Point to BEER

Final Score: BEER 11, VAGINA 8

That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER

PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or
discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them. We should therefore award an extra point for BEER.
 1 Comment 
Emo Jokes4/13/07
 
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none, they just like to sit in the dark and cry

Did you hear about the new emo pizza? it cuts itself!

What do you call 1000 emo kids at the bottom of the ocean?
a good start

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3. one to screw it in, 2 to write a poem about how much they miss the first one

The best convience of emo clothes? they hang themselves

how do you get an emo kid out of a tree?
cut the rope

what do you do if you see an emo kid with his hand blown off?
stop laughing and reload

Q: What do emos use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What do you call an emo who just got dumped?
A: Deceased

Q: Why did the emo cross the road
A: To cut themself

Q: How many emo kids does it take to paint a wall?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

Q: What's better than 50 emo kids nailed to a tree?
A: One emo kid nailed to fifty trees.

Q: How many emos does it take to microwave a burrito?
A:Four.
One to cry about it.
One to make a Myspace about it.
One to take a picture of them taking a picture of themselves in a mirror and post it on MySpace.
The other to make the burrito.

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself

HEY EMOKID, wanna go to Disneyland? you have to wait in line though, NO CUTS

2 emos jump off a cliff who wins?
society!!

what do emos and slinkys have in common??
they are both great fun to watch fall down a stairs!!!
 2 Comments 
25 ways to impress your girl4/8/07
 
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fuck you and grab the other girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny.
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