Big Pappa <Pearo__________Sure>
|5 STAGES OF DRUNK|
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
|Sittin in the pieman's house waitin on him gettin ready!!|
Billy's dad: uz wantin a beer lads aye??
Rest of the boys: aye gone then!!
Billy's dad: ian i'v ran out of carlsberg, u wantin a guiness??
Ian: na am alright i don't like giuness i'v never tried it!!
Rest of the boys: u fuckin doofus hahahahaha
Sittin in the black bull on a quiet sunday evening sippin away at a pint!! big twaddle is tryin 2 chat up some bird!!
Twaddle: i'v seen ur face before!!
Bird: na i don't think u have a cant remember u!!
Twaddle: aye we used 2 go 2 school together!
Bird: aw aye, ur right enuf, so we did!!
Twaddle turns round 2 the boys!!
Twaddle: a told u a knew her, we used 2 go 2 different schools together!!
Walkin round 2 the taxi rank from the coach on tht same nyt!!!
Me: tadds u wantin a fag???
Twaddle: na a cany pal am drivin the nyt!!!
Woodburn club on sat nyt, me, ian, piez and stains r outside!!
Me: tequila is an ace drink like!!
Piez: na ad go 4 sambuca!!
Ian: aye sambuca 4 me!!!
Stains: m8, tequila is like hob nobs n sambuca is like a rich tea, it all comes down 2 biscuits at the end of the day!!!
|Ryt here we go......cancun 07-the verdict!!|
......flight-was ok but prob cos was itchin 2 get ther.
......Nightclubs-never seen anything like it in my life, the different types and different shows on bt must say they more or less only play r+b music, still gid tho! club called basic which is actually on the water and yes the dacefloor does move!! waiters r mostly pricks tho, u gtta tip them or u get no bevy, prob the only shit thing bout the clubs but rock on bulldogs 4 servin smirnoff!!
Entertainment staff- Pablo is a snakey bastard, any1 thought sly mckay was snakey u aint never met this guy!
-ther was also 2 women bt never knew ther name bt the blonde 1 is my cancun princess so keep ur hands off(drew!!)
Jet Ski's- these had 2 get a mention as me n big neil had a death defyin head on collision on these mammoth beasts, it was all in the name of good will as we wer treyin 2 kill a great white which would hav no doubt killed millions so u can thank us later. it cost us $1000 so donations 4 our loss would b fine!!
Hurricane Dean- as u may have heard ther was a catagory 5 hurricane blistering its way through the carribean at the time wen we wer ther, it was a once in a lifetime experience unless u go again ofcourse. the secret 2 surving 1 of these freaks of nature, sit out on your balcony on the 3rd floor with the i-station, pissed out ur face singin 'why does it always rain on me' by travis!!!
wee mention 4 the extreme giigler miguel(cheers bob) i think this man was constantly on the charlie!! sorted us out 4 2 weeks tho so kik on the mexican coke heads!!
round up of people's actions in cancun....
big neil - all the boy done was sleep!!
Kyle - re-named the demolition man, all he done was come up 2 our room n wreck the place!!
Drew - never really seen um he pied us all holiday 4 another group tht was ther!!
Dean - tht name still gives me nytmares a knew he'd wreck our holiday somehow!!
Mikey - a smile wouldnt hav went a miss pal!!
Bain - same as back home, some things never change!!
Me - wot can i say, saved millions of lives, met my future mrs n did party every nyt till i had 2 pay the jet ski cost bt never mind!!
VERDICT - un fucking believable!!!
|Hw funny is tht! |
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my dick when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a choice there, did you? Fanny.
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here? Twat
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate...Tit.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it up your McAss you fucking McTosser!
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