Sean Doherty <shorty_d13>

if u cud b assed11/22/06
 
if u can b bothered 19 days ago

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and How did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Have you ever wanted to punch me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why?
7. Describe me in 1 word
8. What was your first impression of me?
9. Do u still think the same?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something that you couldn\'t?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

 4 Comments 
ur biggest fan7/13/06
 
Dear Alcohol,
First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect
post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in
the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're
stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However,
latelyI've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to
believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your
influence has led to some unwisen consequences:

1. Phone calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese, onion and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off
with a Kit Kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream red rock
chips)? I'm an electic eater, but I think you went too far this
time.

3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 4 or 5 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's
debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is
completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if
the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin)prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal
inno way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now &
wouldlike to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the
invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and
the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitfulpartnership.
Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive dis order

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
 0 Comments