Bebo

You know you are a true Scot if...........
1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canna pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories - pure Class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, Iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
18. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
19. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these
words:-
how's it hingin
Clatty
Boggin
Cludgie
Pished
get it up ye
Wee beasties
Erse bandit
Amurny
Away an bile yer heid
Peely-wally
Humphey backit
Ba'-heid
Baw bag
Mocket
Mingin
Dubble nugget
And finally......
A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butchershop, where the butcher has just Came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his Erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display Case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

Kolobok
This tale is very similar to "The Gingerbread Man".

Once upon a time an old man and woman lived in a village. One day the old man asked the woman to make a kolobok.

The old woman mixed some floor with sour cream and shaped it into a kolobok, a kind of little round bun or cake. Then she fried it and left it on the windowsill to cool.

After a while the kolobok suddenly got up and rolled. It rolled from the sill to the bench, from the bench to the floor, across the floor to the door. It hopped over the threshold and into the hall. From the hall it rolled onto the porch, from the porch into the garden and from the garden out through the gate. Farther and farther it went.

The kolobok rolled down the road until it met a hare.
"Ah, kolobok, kolobok, I'll eat you now."
"Don't eat me, hare. I'll sing you a song:

I'm kolobok, kolobok!
I was scraped up in the flour-tin,
Swept up from the corn-bin,
Mixed with sour cream into a bun
Fried in butter till I was done,
Then left on the sill till I cooled some.
I ran away from grandfather,
I ran away from grandmother too,
And I'm sure I'll have no trouble, hare, running away from you."

And off it rolled down the road, so fast that the hare could only stare. The kolobok rolled down the road until it met a wolf:
"Ah, kolobok, kolobok, I'll eat you now."
"Don't eat me, grey wolf. I'll sing you a song:

I'm kolobok, kolobok!
I was scraped up in the flour-tin,
Swept up from the corn-bin,
Mixed with sour cream into a bun
Fried in butter till I was done,
Then left on the sill till I cooled some.
I ran away from grandfather,
I ran away from grandmother,
I ran away from the hare too
And I'm sure I'll have no trouble, wolf, running away from you."

And off it rolled down the road, so fast that the wolf could only stare.

The kolobok rolled down the road until it met a bear:
"Ah, kolobok, kolobok, I'll eat you now."
"Don't eat me, bear. I'll sing you a song:

I'm kolobok, kolobok!
I was scraped up in the flour-tin,
Swept up from the corn-bin,
Mixed with sour cream into a bun
Fried in butter till I was done,
Then left on the sill till I cooled some.
I ran away from grandfather,
I ran away from grandmother,
I ran away from the hare,
I ran away from the grey wolf too
And I'm sure I'll have no trouble, bear, running away from you."

Again it, rolled off down the road, so fast that the bear could only stare.

The kolobok rolled down the road until it met a fox:
"Kolobok, kolobok, where are you going."
"I'm just rolling along the road."
"Kolobok, kolobok, sing me your song."
And the kolobok began:

"I'm kolobok, kolobok!
I was scraped up in the flour-tin,
Swept up from the corn-bin,
Mixed with sour cream into a bun
Fried in butter till I was done,
Then left on the sill till I cooled some.
I ran away from grandfather,
I ran away from grandmother,
I ran away from the hare,
I ran away from the grey wolf,
I ran away from the big bear too
And I'm sure I'll have no trouble, fox, running away from you."

But the fox said: "I believe that must be a fine song, but you know I am rather hard of hearing. Kolobok, be so kind as to sit on my nose and sing your song again, a little louder."

The kolobok hopped onto the fox's nose and sang the song again a little louder.

But the fox said: "Kolobok. be so kind as to sit on my tongue and sing your song just one more time."

The kolobok hopped onto the foxs tongue and - snap! - the fox gobbled it up.